Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been very stressed and praying about this, but I need some advice. Two years ago, I had a child out of wedlock and had repented, and so has the father of my child. We have not been together and only now decided that we want to marry and raise our child together and be a family. However, my parents disagree with this. Their reason is that the father of my child is from a different country and is a Muslim convert. Could you please advise me on what to do as I do not want to commit a major sin?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with how difficult your life must have been for the past few years, and I commend you for trying to do the right thing now.
Marrying Him
Marrying your child’s father is probably the best thing you can give your child. Being raised by one’s biological parents is the optimal upbringing and unconditional love a child can have. I pray that Allah facilitates this for you.
Permission of the Guardian
You need your guardian’s permission, and this would be your father, to marry this man and avoid committing a major sin. I suggest you go to every length to convince him while being patient and kind.
- First, ensure that you fulfill your obligations to Allah regarding your prayers, fasting, covering yourself, and keeping away from the haram.
- Ask Allah in the last third of the night. Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance to determine whether you should marry this man and pray The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja) to facilitate the best thing for you. Ask Allah to help your parent see past cultural differences and benefits. Give them the time they need to think about it.
- Explain to your parents that it will be much more difficult to find a man who takes on a step-child and treats your son better than his biological father.
- Ask some elders or scholars to get involved and talk to your parents. They should remember that the longer you wait to be a family, the longer you and your child will suffer.
I pray that Allah Most High facilitates this matter for you and that your father agrees. Keep praying istikhara until Allah Most High clarifies the answer, and ask Him always to guide you to the right action.
Kindly check these links:
Can I Claim a Child from an Illicit Relationship?
Marrying a Man, I Have an Illicit Relationship With
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.