Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My parents forced me into a marriage I did not want with my first cousin. Despite me explaining a million times why I don’t want to get married to him, they were good at emotionally blackmailing me, telling me I would be single. At last, I made up my mind and married him even though we did not like each other and had no understanding. Also, he lived in the US and I lived in a different country and we had a dead relationship for almost two years.
I finally decided to look for another prospect and my parents agreed to it, but they were toxic about it again and wanted me to accept the first proposal I got.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to turn your life around and make the right decision for yourself.
Compulsion
Your parents compelled you to marry the first person that you married and you cannot fall into this trap again. It is wrong to be forced or emotionally blackmailed, you should trust your instincts, and most of all, you must only marry according to this prophetic advice: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari; Muslim]
Turn to Allah
I ask that you be patient and polite with your parents and turn to Allah with your worries. Be the best Muslim that you can be during this time, the best daughter that you can be, and ask Allah to guide you to do what is right for your religion. Pray on time, read Quran daily with the meaning, and gain sacred knowledge. Study with us online; I highly recommend that you keep yourself busy with seeking knowledge and taking a marriage course so that you are better equipped for your next marriage. Don’t accept a proposal from anyone that doesn’t give you a positive istikhara and doesn’t have the same understanding of life and religion as you.
Please see these links as well:
How Do I Deal With Parents Forcing Me To Marry a Man That I Do Not Like?
Can My Mother Force Me to Marry Someone?
How Do I Deal With a Family Who Is Pressuring Me To Marry My Cousin Back Home?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.