Question: I am a 23-year-old man, and I do not want to live with my parents. Moving out will force me to be independent, but my mom is obsessed with taking care of me and will not let me fend for myself. I think I will have an easier time getting married if I am on my own since this shows independence. I have lived away from them independently in the past. If my parents command me to live with them, will I be sinning by disobeying them?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I could not agree with you more. If you want to move out, you should take the steps to do it for all the reasons that you have cited. It is not sinful if you do.
Kindness
Allah, Most High, says, “And We have commanded people to honour their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.“ [Qur’an 31:14]
Anything that you want in life from your parents, remember to do it through the door of kindness. This will get you the best response and true understanding. Communicate and compromise with your mother. Pick a date to move out and tell her that you love her and this is very important to you. Tell them that you can’t move without their support, understanding, and help.
Stay In Touch
Tell them that you will continue to help them consistently and stay in touch. Usually, this is all a parent wants from their child. After you move out, call her every day, even if only for a few minutes, and invite them over, weekly, if you can. This gives her a chance to cook for you all week and bring over food. Breaking the attachment to one’s children is hard, and you must understand that it is more painful for them than it is for you. Always keep that in mind, and have mercy on them. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.