Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I had great difficulty in securing a divorce because I had an arranged marriage overseas and did not want to face him in court. Two years later, I am now legally divorced, but have been in a physical relationship with another man. Have I commited adultery? If so, how do I repent?
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) as saying: “Allah fixed the very portion of adultery which a man will indulge in. There would be no escape from it. The adultery of the eye is the lustful look and the adultery of the ears is listening to voluptuous (song or talk) and the adultery of the tongue is licentious speech and the adultery of the hand is the lustful grip (embrace) and the adultery of the feet is to walk (to the place) where he intends to commit adultery and the heart yearns and desires which he may or may not put into effect.” [Sahih Muslim]
Dear sister, you have commited a portion of adultery. I urge you to make a complete repentance by taking the following steps:
1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]
(excerpt from What is Sincere Repentance?)
In practical terms, this means ending your relationship with his man. Even if you wish to marry him, it is better for you to keep your distance until your actual nikah. I pray that Allah grants you the courage to be steadfast in your repentance.
As you are legally divorced, you are free to marry this man with whom you are in a relationship. Please choose wisely.
I encourage you to complete this course Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages before deciding to marry this man.
I pray that Allah grants you clarity, wisdom, and the ability to choose what is better for your Akhirah.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.