Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been in a long-distance relationship with a boy for two years. We plan to get engaged Insha Allah. My sister blackmails me because of this by enslaving me and forcing me to do her work and giving her anything and everything she wants. She threatens to expose me otherwise. She is also harsh to me and makes me cry.
This has been going on for months. I got so fed up and hurt that one day made dua against her to Allah Most High. The next day, I asked Allah Most High to take it back but punish those who hurt me. Did I do something wrong? I have known this boy all my life, and we have prayed about marrying each other.
I empathize with the pain that you are going through. Being blackmailed is not easy and keeps you under constant stress and worry.
End the Idiocy
The first step that you must take is to end the blackmailing right away. This is a very unhealthy and unIslamic way to live. It is haram for your sister to oppress you, and it is haram for you to accept it.
Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. ‘People asked, O Allah’s Messenger! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?’ The Prophet said, ‘may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.’” [Bukhari]
Give your sister the option of keeping and leaving you alone or telling your secret. Or trump the situation and say to your parents yourself. These three options are far better than what you are enduring now. Liberate yourself from this nonsense and this fear.
Stop Messing Around with This Boy
As for your situation with this boy, you must stop speaking to him immediately and get engaged. After you have done your nikah (katb al-kitab) you can talk to him as much as you like.
Continuing an online relationship doesn’t benefit you. It disrespects you and shows me that he is not taking you seriously. If he was serious, he should propose immediately to your parents and stop wasting your time. The more attached you get, the more risk you are taking. If this doesn’t happen in the end, you will be heartbroken.
Please pray istikhara again after the blackmailing stops and cut off communication with him while you do so. If it is positive, tell him you will only talk to him when you get engaged because you are tired of this pointless interaction.
If it comes out negative, throw him out of your mind and know there is someone else out there better for you. “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]
Your relationship with Allah
As always, look at yourself and where you stand with Allah in any situation. Are you praying on time? Paying zakat? Have you taken a course on marriage? Maybe take a study on the halal and haram of everyday life? Are you wearing a hijab correctly? Please strive to fulfill all your obligations to Him, and He will send you much good.
Allah Most High, says, “If you tried to count Allah’s blessings, you would never be able to number them. Surely Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Quran, 16:18]
May Allah guide you to the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.