Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
The man I wish to marry has told me his family won’t agree to our marriage based on the fact they had an issue with one of my family members which offended them. We both want to get married regardless of the issue, how can I make this situation better/easier?
Answer
Assalamu alaykum, sister. Thank you for your question. Indeed it is very difficult when a couple is ready to marry but obstacles stand in their way.
Istikhara
First, although you feel sure about this man, you must take the correct steps and pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance. Try to pray in the early time before fajr for Allah is keen to answer dua and to forgive at this time.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Our Lord, who is blessed and exalted, descends every night to the lowest heaven when the last one-third of the night remains and says: Who supplicated Me so that I may answer him? Who asks of Me so that I may give to him? Who asks My forgiveness so that I may forgive him?” [Tirmidhi]
If Allah Most High guides you to marry this man, be patient and pray that Allah makes an opening for you. Not much can be done without his parent’s approval. Also, try to stay distant from him during this time, getting attached is not a good idea and can cloud one’s judgment. You will have plenty of time together after marriage.
Discuss It with Them Openly
Your suitor should have an open and honest discussion with his family about how serious he is about you. He should tell them that he is willing to wait until they change their minds and that they should not let such petty offenses ruin his prospects. He should ask them to pray istikhara and meet with you one more time if they would like to be sure. Perhaps you can have the family member apologize to them for his offense if it helps.
Make Dua and Give Charity
Turn to Allah in fervent dua to help you in this time of need. Pray the Prayer of Need. Recite these duas and memorize them if you can. Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long My teacher once told me that nothing gets rid of a problem like giving charity. So give regularly; may Allah accept it and make it a means to give you a way out of this
If Nothing Works, Walk Away
Never allow yourself to get so emotionally attached to a man that you fall in love and can’t walk away. If it doesn’t work out, if his family does not approve, there is not much you can do about it. You would have to move on and forget about him completely. This is not easy to do with a broken heart. I pray that it does not come to this, but be prepared for anything. If Allah wills for this to not work out, trust in Him, submit and look forward to something better.
Find solace in the following hadith: The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Wondrous is the affair of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except the believer. If he has an occasion to feel delighted, he thanks (Allah), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he is harmed, he endures it patiently, thus there is a good for him in it.” [Muslim]
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.