Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been married for two years to a husband who has lived with me, not lived with me, cheated on me, and not cheated on me. His non-Muslim ex-girlfriend constantly harasses us when she is not in a relationship with someone else. Of course, anytime I confront him, I am called names and ignored. I worry about raising my son in this type of household and the presence of this crazy ex-girlfriend
Thank you for your question. May Allah Most High reward you for your patience and willingness to make it work with him. This is a decision that you must make and live with.
This is difficult because you don’t trust him and I’m not sure if you should. However, because he is your husband, you must respect him, even though he may be lying. It is also possible that he is not lying, and that he is trying to rectify his past and commit to solid family life with you. If he is sincerely trying to change, then he deserves a fair chance at being a good husband and father. I really can’t make this decision for you. I urge you to weigh the good and the bad, consult your family, elders, and friends, and pray Istikhara.
As for this girl, you should contact the police and get a restraining order against her, and make sure that she never shows up at your house again. You have a right to that, and you don’t need your husband’s permission to keep her away from you and your son. Please consider moving away to a different city or area, to put more distance between your family and this ex-girlfriend. Otherwise, if you do nothing, rest assured that she will eventually get bored and move on to someone else. Patience and wisdom are the keys here.
Turn to Allah Most High
Turn to Allah Most High wholeheartedly and ask of Him in this tumultuous time. Ask Him to facilitate your affairs for you, and know that whatever you decide, Allah is your sufficiency and the best of guardians. In the meanwhile, take a course on marriage, gain obligatory knowledge, pray on time, read some Quran daily with the meaning, and raise your child as best you can. Keep the company of other righteous young families and surround yourself with goodness. Eventually the bad will disappear, by Allah’s grace.
Please see the supplications below and the useful tips:
How To Attain Focus, Patience and Stillness In A Chaotic World
Why Is Everything Going Wrong in My Life?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.