Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I was approached by someone for marriage. I told my parents and they wanted istikhara to be done before the two families meet. They meant something different where one was talking about our stars not aligning for a happy marriage and the other one simply predicting that their istikhara or Hisab says I won’t be happy with this person because he will do such-and-such in future.
It made me sad so I prayed a proper istikhara for myself and I repeated it and my heart was very positive all along. I want to be with this person and I feel good. But my parents think mine is not valid and what those people with knowledge said is correct.
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your patience and for taking the right steps in making this decision.
You have done the right thing by praying istikhara for this. Generally speaking, there is no need to ask others to pray istikhara for one, each person’s own seeking of guidance is blessed and good. Allah hears everyone’s prayers and no intermediary is needed. Perhaps ask your parents to pray it as well. Show them this on how to do it:
Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
Meet the Suitor
The next thing that you can do is to ask your parents to meet the suitor. If their version of istikhara is negative, it doesn’t mean that they can’t meet him. Rather, they should depend on their instincts as well. He should come over with his parents and have a proper meeting so they can get to know one another.
What You Can Do
At the end of the day, one will have to submit to what transpires. You can’t marry without your parent’s permission, and all you can do is gently explain to them how strongly you feel about this until they hear you. If they won’t change their minds then you must submit to what Allah has decreed. Give thanks that you are not emotionally attached or in a relationship with him because you will be able to move past this.
In the meantime, do what every young lady must do. Prepare for marriage by taking a course on Islamic Marriage, and hone your skills for the duties involved. Study your religion, pray on time, fulfill your duties to your parents and those around you, and better your health, mind and soul, until the right man comes along. Read Allah’s book every day, and get in a habit of building your relationship with Him, for He will be your constant support and aid for life.
How Can I Convince My Parents To Meet My Suitor of a Different Culture?
What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?
What Can I Do If My Parents Do Not Accept the Person I Want to Marry?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.