Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
I used to be physically intimate with a friend from university. Then I got married and remained friends with him but didn’t do anything physical even when he insisted. But suddenly, one day, he came to meet me, and I sat in his car, and in the heat of the moment, we got physical. I repented right after, but I still feel guilty. Do I tell my husband, or what do I do to remove the guilt?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I am not sure how to tell you that your behavior was despicable, and you cannot just turn off your guilt.
Repentance
Doing what you did is just like a person who goes out to eat unslaughtered meat when he has perfectly halal meat at home. What’s the point? Lust? Novelty? Repent sincerely, keeping its conditions in mind. Remember that Allah is the Most Merciful of the merciful and that He forgives all sins as He told us in His book. Take that seriously.
Secret
It is not permissible for you to inform your husband about this sin. It is sinful to uncover it, and you need to squash it and keep it in the past. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such, while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under the cover of Allah, and they rent Allah’s covering from themselves in the morning.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Guilt
You can’t do much about the guilt except let it fade over time. Don’t be unfaithful again because if you do, your remorse will start to disappear, and that is dangerous. You also have no business talking to this man. Cut him off, delete his number and run away from him as you would from a house on fire. Spend your spare time meeting good, religious women, learn something that benefits you, and intend to change yourself to be an example for your children.
Please see these links for more details:
https://seekersguidance.org/uncategorized/marriage-and-troubled-past/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/my-wife-has-confessed-to-having-an-affair-what-should-i-do/
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.