Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
If your spiritual master also happens to be your husband, how do I distinguish between obligations to both? I have heavy obligations pressed upon me. In particular, I wanted to know the rulings on if my master requests of me to cook for all the close students in the circle constantly what is my position on this as he is also my husband. I don’t want to always be doing this. I’ve come to the stage of saying no after years of saying yes. I am concerned about my path.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. Your obligation is first and foremost to your husband, and the only obligation to your shaykh is in culture, not in Islam.
Overdoing it
I can see that you are at a point, after several years of service, of saying no, and I believe that you are correct in this. Every person reaches their limits, and if the students are serious about learning from their teacher, the food should not matter. As for your husband, you should compromise with him and do it once in a while, only what you can sustain, whether that is once a month or once in six months. It is not your job to feed his students, only him.
Obedience
Obedience to the husband is in all permissible things, but only in what you are capable of. If it is very important to you to continue to cook for his students, or if you just feel too guilty to stop, then employ help, paid help if necessary. I am also very confused that his lady students don’t help you. Usually, several women would come to the aid of the shaykh’s wife so that all can work and eat together. This makes it more sustainable and rewarding. Please see these links:
https://seekersguidance.org/uncategorized/do-i-have-to-obey-my-husband-in-everything/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/im-fearful-islam-causing-depression-can/
Obedience to the shaykh
It is not obligatory to be obedient to your spiritual shaykh, but rather to have good manners with him, follow his spiritual instructions of awrad (regular devotional acts), and listen to his mudhakara (lessons of purification of the heart), as long as they are in line with the sunna of our Messenger, (Allah bless him and give him peace) and common sense. It would be understandable if you decided to follow another as your spiritual shaykh so that the personal marital relationship doesn’t cause a conflict. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.