How Do I Manage My Reserved Personality, Loneliness, and Negative Thoughts?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad



I’ve grown up with my cousins. All my cousins don’t even pay attention to me they all enjoy their lives at family parties. I feel very bad about it. It is often said that if someone doesn’t give you any attention you should stop seeking from them. But my problem is if I don’t give them attention, I have negative thoughts that I will be lonely, not get any recognition, and will not find a good spouse. I’m very stuck and I don’t have a lot of friends.


Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. 

I am sorry that you feel this way about yourself when you should really see yourself as a believer that Allah loves and someone that has a lot to offer the world.

Negative thoughts

Your first step is not to let your mind wander into negative thoughts every day. Stop them in their tracks, seek refuge from the Devil, and bless the Prophet every time they come, and thank Allah for something. Eventually, Shaytan will tire from whispering negative thoughts to you because they turn into dhikr and you pull away from them. Practice will make perfect. Please see these useful tips to help with controlling your thoughts:

How Can I Overcome My Negative Thoughts?

How Do I Dispel Sinful Thoughts?


You seem to have convinced yourself that you need to get the attention of your cousins in order to have a better life, but you are still not happy. Rather, get the attention of Allah and His Messenger, (Allah bless him and give him peace), and strive to live a life with prophetic guidance. That is your key to happiness, inner strength, and satisfaction. Be polite to your cousins, be cordial, but if they don’t benefit you spiritually, you don’t need a deep bond with them. Please see these beneficial tips about loneliness and striking a healthy balance:

Chaos in My Life

Balancing Confidence and Humility and the Wisdom of Trials from Allah

How Can I Overcome Loneliness and Make Friends?


The first steps that come to mind, are the following:

-Pray on time, read some Qur’an daily with the meaning, and pray the Prayer of Need, along with sincere supplications (linked below) before dawn.

-Look for positive, religious peers to spend your time with and for inspiration.

-Join circles of knowledge and learning, in order to better yourself and know what is asked of you in this world.

-Exercise daily, get fresh air and take your supplements. Don’t eat junk. 

-Spend time volunteering, helping others, or another form of giving charity.

See these links for more tips:

Fighting Depression Through The Remembrance Of Allah

How Do I Calm My Worries?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  


Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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