Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
What is my duty in advising my parents on wrong actions (backbiting, gossiping, cursing, etc.) after they tell me to stop and become annoyed? I’ve tried to mention the Prophet’s advice but they don’t like it when I do that.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
May Allah reward you for your desire to command the good and forbid the wrong. However, this must be applied with tact and wisdom.
Obligation
The obligation for commanding the right and forbidding the wrong is a special injunction on our ummah, which sets us apart from the nations of previous prophets. It is an honor and a duty and must be done with one thing in mind: having an effect. Please see the rulings on when it is obligatory and when it is not in this link:
The Criteria of Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil
What is the right approach to commanding the good?
Parents
Advising parents is always tricky, and one should observe the effects of their advising. If it’s not working, one should stop, as one is only responsible for informing them of the shari’ah, not for enforcing it. Leading by example, choosing silence, or walking away, or changing the subject can be more effective than rebuking someone directly. Keep in mind the lofty position of parents in Islam and be careful to treat them well and not to embarrass them or to be condescending.
Gentleness
Help your parents in other ways, such as worshipping with them, bonding with them, helping them around the house, giving them books to read, joining a class with them, and letting them see the fruits of your religious lifestyle. Their hearts will gradually open to your better way, by His grace.
Always keep this prophetic hadith in mind: “Allah is gentle, likes gentleness, and gives for gentleness what he does not give for harshness.“ [Abu Dawud]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.