Question
Recently I had a terrible argument with my father. I spoke very badly to him, but he forgave me because he’s a very kind-hearted person. I still feel so guilty, and my heart is heavy because of it. My OCD has made it worse, and I feel like something terrible will happen to me. These intrusive thoughts make me depressed, and I think I should apologize once again to my father, but he has already forgiven me. What should I do?
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you lost your cool with your dad, but it’s not healthy to go between a depressive state and an angry state. Try to work on communication and balancing your emotional health.
Apology
Please don’t apologize to your father again, as this will make him worry. Asking for forgiveness twice after being forgiven is not correct. Even when asking forgiveness from Allah, one seeks forgiveness for one’s continuous sins, all the while knowing that the best sinners are those who repent, as we know from the Prophetic hadith.
Instead of apologizing, do your father a good turn, and establish a good habit of bonding and worshiping with him. Make dua to give you better coping skills and patience.
OCD & waswasa
Ignore your OCD or waswasa, discard the negative thoughts immediately and replace them with the remembrance of Allah. The Devil wants to distract you from your current worship, from your studies, your job, your duties, your other sins, and just make you obsess about this. Ignore it entirely and make a plan for how to keep your cool next time.
If you need to take an anger management class, do that. Keep this hadith in mind: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.“ [Abu Dawud]
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah with the sincere intention that all you do is for Him and place all your trust in Him. Know that you are never alone and that Allah is nearer to you than your jugular vein. Pray all your prayers on time, read some Qu’ran every day, and make dhikr during your free time.
Learn as much as you can about our beautiful religion and try to apply it in your life. Make repentance daily and involve yourself in charity and helping others. Eating healthy and exercising are instrumental as part of your mental wellness. Make a daily routine for spiritual wellness and physical wellness and stick to it.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.