Question: My husband keeps performing istikhara about me and seeks information about my past. He is very insecure and has a past himself, so now he started to see my past apparently in his dreams. He even says my female friends are bad because he’s seen stuff. Is it permissible for istikhara to be used to see the past, and if it is not, then what are the consequences? It’s affecting my marriage.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum
Thank you for your question. It is not permissible for your husband to seek secrets about your past through any means, and his praying istikhara about it is futile.
Disclosing the past
Don’t ever disclose your past to your husband as it is sinful, showing ingratitude to your Lord who covered your sins and harmful to your marriage. Please see the details here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/i-had-an-affair-and-have-repented-should-i-tell-my-husband/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/does-knowing-a-potential-spouses-past-matter/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/informing-a-prospective-spouse-about-past-non-marital-relationships/
Dealing with your husband
Unfortunately, your husband is insecure about this subject because he may be comparing himself to someone who might be in your past or even fear that he is not good enough. The best thing you can do is make him feel loved and secure and tell him that you chose to marry him and choose to love him every day. Tell him that the past should be left in the past and that you are grateful that Allah paired you with someone perfect for you. Be kind to him, try to overlook his insecurities, and focus on activities that can bond you together. Eventually, by the grace of Allah, he will let it go.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.