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How Can I Help My Child With Homework Without Getting Angry?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org
Question: I have only one child; she is eleven years old, Alhamdulillah.  When I assist her with school work, I regret that I lack patience.  I raise my voice, and at times get angry in a manner that I am immediately ashamed of thereafter. Do you have any practical tips?

Answer: Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Being impatient with a child can lead to anxiety, frustration, depression, and worst of all, making your child into an angry person, and the cycle repeats. Make a resolve right now to aid your child in becoming an independent and confident person and learn to control yourself instead of controlling her. Did you know that a child who sees parents express a lot of anger at home performs worse in school? See the references below for more.

Resources

First, read these articles and implement the tips:
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/calm-parenting-get-control-child-making-angry/
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/tips/a13314/anger-management-parents/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/pride-and-joy/201209/battles-over-homework-advice-parents

Please consider taking the free courses below here at Seekers, and implement the knowledge that you learn:
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/keys-to-raising-righteous-children-eight-lessons-on-successful-parenting/
https://ar.seekersguidance.org/courses/parenting-in-islam-how-to-raise-righteous-children/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/explaining-a-hadith-on-disciplining-children/

Going forward

In short, renew your intention to embrace excellence with your child, and ask Allah to guide you to every step. Hand over your weakness to Him and ask Him to improve you as a person and your parenting. Really, we are all in this situation with you. Our imperfections make us human, but our repentance and getting up again after we fall can make us the best of servants. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, told us, “All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent.“ [Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Darimi]

Please listen to this podcast on patience:
https://seekersguidance.org/show/37-positive-potential-of-patience-shaykh-sadullah-khan/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and embody us all with the very noble quality of patience.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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