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Should I Get Engaged to a Man Who Wants To Delay the Proposal To Sort Out His Career First?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Question: I have been praying istikhara for marriage for some months now. There has been some progress and positive inclination from both our parents. However, we are both young, and he wants more time to sort through his career decisions before our parents meet. Although things are moving forward, there have been delays in a formal commitment. Is this a sign from Allah to give up, or should I keep waiting? I am confused because I don’t know if these delays are good or bad.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question.  I can see your frustration and confusion, and I pray that you come to an understanding with him on the subject.

The reality

It seems to me that the bottom line is that he has chosen you for marriage and that your istikhara seems positive. However, as you mentioned, you are both young, and sometimes these things cannot be rushed. He may actually need to be accepted into his program or finish some of his studies to please his parents and give them security. I have seen many young couples in your situation, and it’s hard to balance an engagement, a wedding, and graduation and find a job at the same time.

Communicate

Your job is to tell him that you don’t know if you should stay and wait and ask him if he is really serious about you. His delay seems level-headed because he understands what it takes to be a husband and is taking steps to prepare. Ask him about a realistic timeline and prepare yourself in the meanwhile. Both of you should take the marriage courses here at Seekers, and you should both consider an early nikah (marriage contract) to make it permissible for you to spend time together and talk freely. The wedding can be later.

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/understanding-the-answer-to-my-istikhara/

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/marriage/do-women-need-to-be-financially-independent-before-marriage/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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