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Rights of Parents

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Seekersguidance.org

Question: I wanted to know the rights of parents and how much control do they have over you once you are an adult and is going against their wishes sinful? I have parents who throughout my life have been overwhelming and controlling in their approach towards me.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that your parents are so controlling of you. It is not of the Prophetic character for them to be this way and a child does have a right not to be emotionally abused, coerced, and unduly pressured by the parents.

When to obey your parents

The best advice that I can give you is to read the answers at these links for they explain when a person should not obey the parents:

https://dev.seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/obeying-ones-parents-and-maintaining-ties-of-kinship/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/when-may-parents-be-disobeyed-and-how/

Generally speaking, do not obey your parents if they try to forbid you from something obligatory or a confirmed sunna. Other than that, there are details explained in the links above. Try to be kind to them, well-mannered, and loving, and they will love you and be pleased with you even if they don’t agree with your actions. Being treated well is what most parents want and a smile and hug can make a lot of complaints disappear.

Deal with them as best as you can

If you find that your parents are difficult to deal with, sometimes, text them instead of calling or cut your visits a little shorter. Bring them nice gifts and meet them in public places or with friends so as to reduce the tension. Pray for them and help them when they need it. Also, communicate with them and don’t bottle your emotions up, it’s not healthy and can come out sideways in the future.

Please see: https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/extent-boundary-can-dysfunctional-parents/

https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/am-i-wrong-to-not-want-to-speak-with-my-parents/

May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

This answer was collected from Seekersguidance.org. It’s an online learning platform overseen by Sheikh Faraz Rabbani. All courses are free. They also have in-person classes in Canada.

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