Answered by Shaykh Hamza Karamali, SunniPath Academy Teacher
My husband, who converted to Islam five years ago, refuses to pray. He claims that his religion is a “private matter” and that my asking him to pray is just “keeping tabs on him”. This is not the first time that he has acted like this. He basically only prays if he is with other Muslims (at their homes or at the Masjid), but he makes no attempts to pray at home. He specifically says that when I ask him to lead me in Salah that I am basically “forcing him” or that he’s “praying to me”. He comes up with all sorts of excuses (in my opinion) for why he doesn’t pray : lack of time, not having proper intention, doubts about whether it will be accepted by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), is he praying because of me, etc.
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate
1. Being married to a man who doesn’t pray does not constitute a sin on the wife’s part. Allah tells us in the Qur’an that “no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another”. You are responsible only for your own actions; not for his.
2. The best way to call other people to Allah is through one’s state, not through one’s words. This is especially true when calling one’s husband to Allah: it is difficult for most men to accept explicit advice from their wives because they see themselves in a position of authority. When a wife tells her husband “do this” or “don’t do that”, she will normally leave a big dent in his ego, which creates an atmosphere of indignation rather than an atmosphere of understanding. Your husband needs to see that your Islam makes you a better person. He needs to see that your relationship with Allah gives you a loving, caring, generous personality. He needs to see that you have a spiritual link with Allah that creates light in your life. This is what will draw him to Allah. Focus on drawing yourself closer to Allah through good deeds.
3. Don’t be exasperated. Guidance is in the hands of Allah; not in your hands. You don’t know how you will end up before you leave this life. You don’t know how your husband will end up before he leaves this life.
4. Converts need to be dealt with gently. The most important thing is to preserve their Islam. Everything else is secondary. If you think saying something will jeapordise your husband’s Islam, then don’t say it. People who are still new to Islam need to be encouraged regarding the good things they do. They need to feel important and loved by other Muslims (of whom their spouses are the most important). Encourage your husband to keep the company of other Muslims, especially those who practice their religion and have a healthy spiritual relationship with Allah.
5. You are not disobeying Allah by being in such a marriage. Rather, for the sake of your daughter, it is probably superior for you to foster a loving family environment that will psychologically and spiritually uplift your daughter. This is a great act of worship.
And Allah knows best.
Hamza.