Answered by Wajihah Gregor
I fear that my husband may have a porno problem. While I was searching for lost files on the computer, I found some disturbing pornographic pictures in the recent documents. I talked to him about it and he got very embarrassed. He said that everything was fine with our sexual relations, but he still went on the internet twice and pleasured himself at the same time. I even think that once I woke up and saw him. He said that mornings are high peaks for him, but that he does not want to wake me. We talked about it but then a month later, I find some more pornographic files.
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
Dear Sister,
Asalaamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatu Llahi wa Barakatuhu –
The characters in pornographic shows stimulate the feeling in the casual or compulsive viewer that they are keenly desired and wanted. Although this is perverted atmosphere, the intrinsic need for men to feel desired and wanted can be a totally wholesome feeling in the confines of marriage. If these emotional and physical needs are not being met by their spouse, this may be the initial reason that leads them to watch pornography.
It is a good sign that your husband felt embarrassed and bad when you addressed him about his behavior. This means his heart is still alive with the notions of right and wrong, so remain committed and steadfast to him in helping him overcome this trial.
Instead of expecting your husband to wake you in the morning, make the effort to rise before him, preparing yourself beautifully for him and scenting the room with beautiful smells. Wake him lovingly, and tell him how much you need and desire him.
Moreover, ask him what are his secret sexual fantasies and do your best to accommodate them. Assure him that you are eager to fulfill his fantasies, so that embarrassment does not prevent him from telling you.
This may feel awkward for you at first, but by satisfying his emotions and fantasies you will stunt his negative behavior and will fulfill his needs lawfully.
Your loving effort, and your satisfying commitment, should encourage your husband to stop viewing pornography.
Remember, that by these efforts of yours, you are not only forbidding the wrong, but also commanding the right. This will impact society for the better, and your reward is with Allah Most High.
And Allah Knows Best
Wajihah Gregor
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