Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Question:
Assalamu’ alaykum.
My 13-year old son started memorizing the Quran (hifz) 2 years ago and has completed about 15 juz. He completed both grades 6&7 with hifz. But now, in grade 8, I took him out from school so he could focus on hifz only. However, in the last few months, I’ve noticed that he is not taking any interest in hifz at all and has developed a habit of lying and cheating because the school is online. I feel that he is not doing it for Allah anymore and want to send him back to school. It’s a very painful decision.
Answer:
Wa ‘alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.
I pray you are well.
A Foundation of Love
Your situation is a difficult one. Many parents want their children to memorize the Quran for the rewards associated with it, and because of the positive influence memorizing the Quran and being around religious people has on them.
The important thing to realize here is that this is an activity that needs to be built on the love of the Quran and Islam. If he is being forced to do it, he will resent it. This is why it is important to give lots of encouragement, support, and rewards to children and teenagers who are attempting it.
What Has Changed?
Sit with your son, and try to understand him on his terms. If he went from doing well to his character changing for the worst, then something has changed. Was it being removed from school? Does he get to see his friends? Is he allowed other recreational activities?
Speak to him and try and find out how he sees him. Tell him you want what’s best for him, and if it means his stopping, then that is fine. Let him see your side without it being forced on him, and see his perspective. Try to come to a compromise that works.
Memorizing the Quran is a voluntary act for him. Voluntary acts can never be forced. He will just disengage as he is doing now. Give him encouragement and support.
Prioritize what is best for him and his relationship with Allah. The amount he has memorized is not insignificant, and if he stops, he could always complete it later. If he is made to resent it, however, this will not be very likely.
Speak to him about his behavior in the same way. A confrontational approach will just cause him to retaliate in kind. He may be angry at you for something but unable to express it verbally for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, there is no magical fix to things. All you can do is give the best advice, treat people as best you can, and leave the matter to Allah.
May Allah fill his and our hearts with the love of the Qur’an and its guidance. Amin.
[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani