Question
My mother is disabled and I take care of her alhamdulillah. I have a sister but she is also disabled and unable to take care of her properly. My brother is not responsible enough and also has mental health problems so he too is unable to take care of her properly. So I feel a responsibility to take care of my mother and alhamdulillah I am happy to do so. My predicament is that I am getting old and want to get married in sha Allah, but I need to live with my mother.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I understand that it seems like the two situations conflict but it is possible to be happily married to a man who will help you take care of your mother.
Obligations
Your obligation to your mother is first, as you are unmarried, but your obligation will transfer over to your husband as soon as you are married, and you must strike a balance to obey one and be good to the other. A pious and gentleman will understand this. See these links as well:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/family-ties/how-can-i-take-care-of-my-parents/
Marriage
You should tell your local imam, friends, and relatives that you want to marry and keep an eye out for yourself. You should ask Allah continuously to send you a pious spouse who will aid you and support you in your obligations to Allah, to him, and to your mother. Once you are married, you may be able to have your mother live with you and get a support worker to come in and help. Please see this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-to-approach-getting-married/
Otherwise
If you are unable to have a support worker come to help, or are not even able to have your mother live with you, I’m sure that you can find a solution. Allah does not abandon His servants and you must trust that a good solution will arise from whence you don’t expect. Don’t put marriage on hold for your mother, but do the right thing for your future and make the intention to follow the sunnah of the Prophet, (Allah bless him and give him peace). I am certain that a way will open and Allah will make the impossible possible. Have faith. See this link:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/parents/being-a-daughter-a-woman-and-living-this-life/
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.