Question
I am 50 years old with older married brothers. I always wanted to get married and have children. I am chaste, pray, make dua, I take care of my parents. I work full-time. I pay for my parents’ provisions even though my brothers are wealthy. My parents have always been strict and never looked for a husband for me. I would still like to get married, experience sex, and be cared for by a man. I feel that other than dua, I have no options unless I start “dating” in the general non-muslim population.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. May Allah help you through this tough phase in life. I truly admire you for your piety, patience, and submission. Please continue on this path and seek a husband through the right means.
Approaching marriage
The absolute best advice that I can give you is here:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/how-do-i-get-rid-of-my-desperation-to-get-married/
Continue on your path of piety, make sincere dua, read surah Yusuf, make dua in special places, and at special times, and most of all, trust in Allah’s decree. Before dawn is an auspicious time as we know from this prophetic hadith, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak. [Muslim]
Means
No matter what you are feeling, dating is a troubling and bumpy path that you don’t want to tread. It is impermissible and leaves women feeling unwanted and used. Consider using Muslim matrimonial websites, speaking to a local imam, and even encouraging your parents to find someone for you. The right man might be around the corner from where you least expect him. You may be destined for an older man, or a divorced man with children, but give them all a fair chance.
Keep this prophetic hadith in mind and trust in Allah, “Wondrous are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer. If he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.“ [Muslim]
Submission
The truth is that you might never get married and I want you to keep that in the realm of possibility. If you are not destined for marriage, you still have much to look forward to in this life, and many doors of Paradise can be open for you in the hereafter. You take care of your parents, you pay more than you need to, for them, and you strive in worship and goodness. Make a pact with yourself never to cross the lines of the shari`ah, and find solace in self-care, Allah’s words, gatherings of remembrance, good friends and family, and health and exercise. May Allah make you a source of blessings, goodness, and happiness to all those around you.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.