Intimate conversations on the phone before marriage

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

I wanted to ask about Phone sex. Recently I spoke to this brother with the intention to get married, but after a while the conversion turned sexual, and he would talk about sex acts he would perform me, oral sex etc.. He would ejaculate and I would have an orgasm. I know this is wrong and I shouldn’t speak to him, but I enjoy myself. Would phone sex be permitted between husband and wife?

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Wa Alaykum Assalam,

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful & Compassionate

Any intimate contact or conversation is haram before marriage, as clearly established by the Qur’an and Sunna and the consensus of the scholars of Community of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Not only would the actual intimate contact (such as the sexual phone talk) be haram, but the means that lead to the starting of such talk would also be haram, because of the decisively established fiqh maxim that, “The means to the haram are themselves haram.” [Ibn Abd al-Salam, al-Qawa`id al-Kubra]

Thus, you have to be very wary of such phone conversations: they are absolutely haram. It is only permitted to talk to someone unrelated of the opposite sex if it is done within the limits of dignity and propriety. Even then, it is best to avoid except to the extent of genuine need or benefit.

When you find yourself slipping, remember Allah and the Last Day: if you died this very moment, is this a state you’d want to die in?

Faraz Rabbani.

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