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Premarital relationship

Q: I am writing today as I am very lost and lonely and at a point in life were I do not know what to do.

I am Bangali and have been with this person in my life for three and a half years, however he is Pakistani. We are at a stage where we would like to get married. We both come from a family where our parents are divorced. I have met his mother who is so lovely, warm and welcoming mashallah. We got along straight away and she showed a stranger love which I have longed for in my mother and instantly I decided I wanna be apart of this loving family in shaa Allah.

I come from a home where there is envy between sisters, I feel hatred from my mother. She always portrays me as low in life. When I told my mum I wanted to get married to a Pakistani, she didn’t agree and said do a nikah and go, my dad finds it difficult when someone tells him the reality what he did do us and says he will love me more if I don’t text or call him. In the time of need and help my close cousin and friends are too busy to give me the time and day. Everyone is suddenly busy with life or in a situation I feel to bad to message and ask for help.

As my boyfriends mum wants to meet my mum so that they could arrange the wedding and ask why they do not want to attend their daughters wedding. My parents are so lost in them self that they do not care about me, my mum goes why do you want a wedding just go meaning do nikah quietly so I can tell people that you got married at your choice I had no holding and You went doing a nikah and I want nothing to do with you now. I have a dad that does not wish to talk to me and says he will love his daughter if she doesn’t text or call him.

I don’t know why my mums always says stuff like oh I’ll see how rich he is (my boyfriend). At the moment I provide for the family and she doesn’t like the fact once am married I will be supporting my husband when proposal come for me she tells them and not good looking dark and my older sister is better looking, that’s is when I decided I will not be getting married to her choice. As I find me getting married to her she will try to control my income and she feels if I get married to a Pakistani she will have no hold over me. She’s become so greedy and adamant that my husband should be rich and I think most of it is to do with the greed of me sharing what is mine with my husband. I have always believed what is yours is your husbands and what his is yours.

My boyfriends mother would like to meet my parents before ramadhan but am so helpless to make this happen, I’ve turned to prayer but am not sure how am going to get my parents to meet his parents. My relationship will collapse if I don’t make this happen and am scared he won’t stick by me.

I always longed for a mother in my mother in law as I have never found one in my mum. How do I make this happen? What do I do? I have my boyfriends mother who is willing to take me respectfully and my own telling me to do it quietly so that she can tell people I’ve ran away. And a dad that cannot face the truth of him leaving us. Both my parents think it’s a kids duty to provide for them I am 25 how can they be so selfish and not think I need to get married too

Please help and show me some guidance as am lost as to why my mum and sister hate and have so much envy towards me. I do nothing but provide for them to a point where I got the house from my dad for my mum nothing please here apart from money and where it is being spent I looking forward to hearing from you. Please keep me in your dua and provide guidance.


A: Get some of your immediate relatives like your uncles and aunts to arrange this nikaah. Do it after consultation and gain their support.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)

This answer was collected from MuftiOnline.co.za, where the questions have been answered by Mufti Zakaria Makada (Hafizahullah), who is currently a senior lecturer in the science of Hadith and Fiqh at Madrasah Ta’leemuddeen, Isipingo Beach, South Africa.

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