Question:
Assalamualaikum,
I am getting married next year Insha Allah. I have a deep concern over Jaheez issue. I don’t want to take any Jaheez from my future in-laws. Can you
please tell me how to persuade my parents and in-laws for this in the light Qur’an and Hadith?
Regards,
Answer:
You should explain to your family, especially your parents and sisters, that it is not compulsory upon the girl’s parents to give Jaheez (dowry) at the time of her going to her husband’s abode. Today it is understood to be compulsory which is causing the girl’s parents a lot of agony. They delay in marrying their daughters off due to them accumulating this “Jaheez” which in turn leads to all types of evils setting in. In some instances the parents are unable to get their daughters married into good families due to them demanding extravagant amounts of Jaheez. Sometimes the girl commits suicide just before the marriage due to them not being able to obtain the Jaheez or after marriage she is continuously taunted or reprimanded by her in-laws for not bringing the Jaheez with her which in turn leads to her committing suicide. From this we can judge the evils that have set in due to this “Jaheez”. This custom is rifer in the Hindu community. Besides this there is also pomposity and boastfulness in this custom. In some cases the girl’s father takes out an interest-bearing loan in order to purchase the Jaheez and thereafter spends his entire life paying off this interest-bearing loan.
Here is a sample way of explaining to your family about not taking the Jaheez’ from them:
“Therefore, in order to eradicate this custom’s evils, I implore you not demand any Jaheez from her family, in fact you should prevent them from giving anything as Jaheez and also after the Nikah when she enters our household no one should taunt her. You should honour her just as you would have honoured that daughter in-law who came with a Jaheez into the family. If you do this then you will also be part of the eradication of the evils of this Jaheez and you will have the Du’aas of thousands of girls and their parents.”
In this way you should make your parents and siblings understand the evils of this practice. You should use those Ulamaa and persons of understanding as a means of explaining to your parents and making them pleased with this. Women are the ones who usually demand this Jaheez. They take pride in the amount of Jaheez that the bride brings with her. If she does not bring the Jaheez with her they use different tactics in order to taunt her. In order to save their daughters from this difficulty the parents make an effort to give the Jaheez that is common practice and to keep their daughters in-laws happy.
You should also explain to your future in-laws, in fact your parents should refuse to accept any Jaheez from them and also put them at ease by telling them that their daughter will not be troubled when she enters their household due to her not bringing any Jaheez with her. If the girl’s parents insist on giving something then tell them to give their daughter cash or such things which she alone can use. If they have the ability then tell them to give her a house or flat in her name but they should not do so if it will cause harm to their other offspring or they will have to take out a loan in order to do so which in turn will lead to them being troubled.
This is a social problem which one person alone cannot solve with his/her effort alone. It is necessary that everyone i.e. individuals, families, communities, etc unite and collectively eradicate the evils of this custom of Jaheez.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
Mufti Muhammad Ashraf
Darul Iftaa
Jameah Mahmoodiyah
Springs
03 February 2005
23 Thul Hijjah 1425