Question:
I had a history of extreme waswas and recently something happened to me. Whenever I hear something related to religion my face starts to smile like I cannot control in a way that it feels like I am mocking the deen. I am scared that I might be an apostate or a hypocrite because of this. it happens automatically, like when I suddenly hear something about the deen, my face immediately starts to form a smile, and I immediately stop myself from doing it but it feels uncontrollable. It is like when you heard someone had died then you smile uncontrollably. I do not know if this is a psychological thing or a waswasa thing, is this mine? does this stem from weak faith or hypocrisy? does it make someone guilty of apostasy?
Answer
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
At the outset, you should consider that the fear of being an apostate itself should be evidence that your heart still holds Iman. If Islam had already left the heart, then how could it be fearful of loosing Iman? This is an important starting point to re-instill in your heart that your body and spirit are still subservient to Allah and Allah’s religion.
That being said, waswasa of general possibility of religion being a construct of manly thoughts is not something new and alien to theists. I see it as a sign that there is still something extremely valuable in your heart which Shaytan sees as a viable target. So, once again, hope for recovery from this.
With all that in mind, sit with yourself with an objective mind, and start introspecting and jotting down your concerns with an actual pen and paper. Think about limitations and shortcomings in your subservience of religion. Assess which places your intellect is not comprehending the purport of deen; which places you heart recognizes its truth yet fails to follow through with physical actions; and which places you feel a need for further improvement.
Adopt a mentor, a scholar or a genuine friend to keep you one your track towards continuously reviewing your path and working towards servitude of Allah.
These are practical steps to start off. You can couple this with some spiritual exercises that will boost your will and desire to be able to control stray thoughts. For this adopt a regiment of adhkar, and ad’iya (supplications) while focusing on getting your obligatory worship in order.
I make sincere du’a that Allah Ta’ala relieve you from this test and raise your darajat that you start to enjoy the wonderful sweetness of Imaan, Ameen
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Faisal bin Abdul Hameed al-Mahmudi
www.fatwa.ca