Answered by: Muftiyah Habiba Akhtar
Assalamualaikum. I’m in love with a Muslim guy for 3 years. we pray, fast, follow the sunnah and had good and decent relationships, understanding only through chats. It’s been 6 years since we met. I told my parents about our relationship, they are not satisfied for many reasons like he speaks Tamil and our family is Urdu also we know Tamil. Distance does matter a lot. He is good-looking but has huge front baldness which my parents and sister had issues with. He tried and got a good job with pay, and came to a nearby city. Later my parents are convinced of Tamil Islam too. They did not refuse but are not happy. They are not satisfied. For the first time, he is gonna meet my family, I forced him to do a front hair patch so as to impress and I wanted not to have any negative impact on his looks. And I know that my parents are convinced with other issues and I’m sure that they will proceed heartily once they like the boy. For this, I forced him to do a hair patch for 2 months but he refused all the time. For the last time, I explained everything that the situation expectations are and also I told him about the talks that go on here. I told my relatives, asking if he was just 26. This is a huge mistake I have done. This means that he doesn’t look like 26 years old. This gave him emotional hurt. He is mentally hurt and decided to break this relationship. He explained everything that he took many steps to convince my parents also he was ready to meet my parents and talk but they refused as they were confused and had no support from relatives. I really feel guilt for the thing I have done. Only now have I come to know that patch is not permissible in Islam. He bid me goodbye and told me that he will never continue this relationship at any cost. I begged like anything through chats but he blocked me on all platforms. I want to know what should I do now. I wanted to have my marriage life with my parent’s hearty blessings and I wanted that looks shouldn’t be the reason for their dissatisfaction, so I forced. I feel low. I told my mother she said that u shouldn’t have forced him as you have seeded inferiority as a poison in his heart that’s y he took a stubborn decision to leave …on the other point no mistake from our side just you asked to groom him to get satisfied. What should I do..pls guide me.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
According to Shariah, we should not be interacting and creating relations with non-mahrams.
‘Umar reported the Prophet as saying, “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the devil makes a third.” (1)
There shouldn’t be seclusion with people other than your mahram as this goes against modesty. The correct practice is to be in matrimony and avoid haram and what may lead to haram.
Allah SWT says:
Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is acquainted with what they do. (2)
Man has been instructed to preserve modesty and chastity. Therefore, we should be cautious about our interactions with non-mahrams.
As for your query regarding what has happened in your life, it is unfortunate as you were trying to make it halal. You mention you’ve tried to fix the situation but he has gone.
In such a case, instead of reminiscing about our actions, we should remember that this is a part of Allah’s plan and in our fate.
Allah SWT says:
And ˹remember, O Prophet,˺ when the disbelievers conspired to capture, kill, or exile you. They planned, but Allah also planned. And Allah is the best of planners. (3)
Using this verse, Allah SWT reminded us that despite anyone’s efforts of being meticulous with planning, Allah SWT has his plans and he grants the good he has planned for us.
We can understand Allah’s planning from this verse: “Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” (4)
Therefore, I would suggest you do Sabr and aim to improve yourself for the times ahead rather than dwell on what’s passed. Have faith that Allah will make a means for you in the future.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Muftiyah Habiba Akhtar
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
وَعَنْ عُمَرَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «لَا يَخْلُوَنَّ رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلَّا كَانَ ثالثهما الشَّيْطَان» . رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيّ
Mishkat al-Masabih 3118
(قُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنِینَ یَغُضُّوا۟ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِمۡ وَیَحۡفَظُوا۟ فُرُوجَهُمۡۚ ذَ ٰلِكَ أَزۡكَىٰ لَهُمۡۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِیرُۢ بِمَا یَصۡنَعُونَ)
[Surah An-Nur 30]
(وَقُل لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنَـٰتِ یَغۡضُضۡنَ مِنۡ أَبۡصَـٰرِهِنَّ وَیَحۡفَظۡنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا یُبۡدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنۡهَاۖ وَلۡیَضۡرِبۡنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُیُوبِهِنَّۖ وَلَا یُبۡدِینَ زِینَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ ءَابَاۤىِٕهِنَّ أَوۡ ءَابَاۤءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ أَبۡنَاۤىِٕهِنَّ أَوۡ أَبۡنَاۤءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوۡ إِخۡوَ ٰنِهِنَّ أَوۡ بَنِیۤ إِخۡوَ ٰنِهِنَّ أَوۡ بَنِیۤ أَخَوَ ٰتِهِنَّ أَوۡ نِسَاۤىِٕهِنَّ أَوۡ مَا مَلَكَتۡ أَیۡمَـٰنُهُنَّ أَوِ ٱلتَّـٰبِعِینَ غَیۡرِ أُو۟لِی ٱلۡإِرۡبَةِ مِنَ ٱلرِّجَالِ أَوِ ٱلطِّفۡلِ ٱلَّذِینَ لَمۡ یَظۡهَرُوا۟ عَلَىٰ عَوۡرَ ٰتِ ٱلنِّسَاۤءِۖ وَلَا یَضۡرِبۡنَ بِأَرۡجُلِهِنَّ لِیُعۡلَمَ مَا یُخۡفِینَ مِن زِینَتِهِنَّۚ وَتُوبُوۤا۟ إِلَى ٱللَّهِ جَمِیعًا أَیُّهَ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمۡ تُفۡلِحُونَ)
[Surah An-Nur 31]
وَإِذْ يَمْكُرُ بِكَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ لِيُثْبِتُوكَ أَوْ يَقْتُلُوكَ أَوْ يُخْرِجُوكَ ۚ وَيَمْكُرُونَ وَيَمْكُرُ ٱللَّهُ ۖ وَٱللَّهُ خَيْرُ ٱلْمَـٰكِرِينَ ٣٠
كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ ٱلْقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرْهٌۭ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌۭ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَهُوَ شَرٌّۭ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ٢١٦