Answered by Eunus Ali
I have a cousin from a very Deendar family who got involved with a girl from a Shi’ah background in the college he was studying in. She herself was “modern” and my cousin was probably able to persuade her to give up the peculiarly Shi’ah beliefs that she was brought up with. Four years later they were getting married and we were invited to their wedding. There was a wedding performed by one or their “ulama” (stating that this was a nikaah daa’imi – – not muwaqqat?!) and a reception.
My father is an aalim (a student of MawlanaSaleemullah Khan muddazilluhu al-aali) and is also somewhat visible in the Tabligh work. Although he was not present my mother was concerned about his good name if she attended a social occasion of Shi’ah people.
Also I am twenty and my brother is eighteen and my mother was concerned that we not interact socially with Shi’ah people. As a result my mother chose not to go to either occasion.
Since then some family elders have come down hard on us for not coming and have said that this was Qata’ rahmi and also that since the girl has accepted Islam we should have supported her but being present and should have accepted her “with open arms”, and that we are running the risk of driving her away while she has accepted Islam.
Should we pay heed to these objections and try to make amends? Was this really Qata’ Rahmi?
The focus of the above situation should not be whether it may or may not fall under the category Qata’ Rahmi or who is at fault as this will not solve the issue, rather the focus should be on taking positive steps in repairing the relationship and clearing any misunderstanding between the families.
To maintain family relationships is wajib, whilst severing family ties is haram. (Imam Nawai’s commentary of Saheeh Muslim, Volume 7, Page 191. MaktabatulBushra)
Allah has stated:
Those who break the Covenant of Allah after it has been made binding, and cut off what Allah has commanded to be joined (family relations), and spread disorder on the earth – it is these who are the losers. (Surah Baqarah Verse 27)
Mufti Shafi (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) commenting on the above mentioned verse stated: one major factor in either maintaining order or causing disorder on Earth is the maintaining or severing of such relations. (Ma’ariful Quran, Volume 1, Page 170. IdaratulMa’arif)
Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) has narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon Him) has stated: The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: He who unites me Allah would unite him and he who severed me Allah would sever him.(SaheehBukhari as mentioned in Mishkaat, Volume 4, Page 107. MaktabatulBushra)
Jubair Bin Mutim (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon Him) has stated: The severer of the tie of kinship would not get into Paradise.(Saheeh Muslim)
It is evident from the above mentioned verse and Ahadith that virtues have been attributed to maintaining family relations whilst at the same time warnings have been issued to those who severe relationship.
In light of this, every effort should be made to maintain family ties.
At times, in such situations like these one might find it difficult to initiate the first step in repairing the relationship, however there is a tremendous reward for the one who humbles himself and takes the first step in trying to uphold the command of Allah.
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with Him) narrates that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon Him)has stated: ‘Charity does not diminish wealth, Allah does not increase a man in anything for his pardoning (others) but in honor, and none humbles himself for Allah but Allah raises him’. (Saheeh Muslim, Volume 7,Page 224. MaktabatulBushra)
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Eunus Ali
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed TosirMiah