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Abusive husband

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I have been married for almost 7 years and Allah swt blessed me with two beautiful boys alhamdulilah. My husband came from overseas and was abusive from the moment he came. He was verbally, and emotionally abusive and started physically hurting me. I have been patient with him these past few years for the sake of our children and realized it is taking a huge toll on the boys. They don’t go near him and get upset when he comes near me.

My husband uses Islam against me only when it benefits him. However, he doesn’t pray and only prays for Jum’uah prayer. I have become very distant from him because of how he treats me. I was recently separated from him for almost 5 months last year because he pulled a knife on me during an argument where he thought I was talking to someone else, astaghfirullah. He’s brought that up against me numerous times with no evidence and I’ve gotten tired of hearing it. I gave him a second chance after my parents told me he has changed. He’s still the same person and still doesn’t pray or read Qur’an.

He told me he won’t ever give me a divorce and that’ll be his punishment to me. I’ve tried bringing an imam into the picture and he sided with my husband. I’m not sure what else to do as I have no one to side with me or support me.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Respected Sister in Islam,

We take note of the contents of your email and the challenges you are being faced with. Allah has blessed you with the courage to raise your children under such circumstances. That is indeed a great investment for your hereafter. We make dua that Allah make your children Allah conscious and the coolness of  your eyes. Ameen.

If what you state about your husband is true, then it is clear that he is an irresponsible husband. He is guilty of negligence in his marital obligations.

You have mentioned that your husband will not issue you a divorce because he wishes to punish you. You have also mentioned that you tried to involve an imam into the picture, but he sided with your husband.

We advise you to meet with the seniors of your family, and explain to them what you are going through, tell them about the behaviour of your husband and how it is having a negative impact on the lives of your children. Tell them you want a divorce from your husband, and request them to intervene to have the divorce issued. Alternatively, if he does not cooperate then you may apply to your local Judicial Body of Ulama to annul the marriage. The Judicial Body will consider the application based on the Shariah laws of annulment of marriage. If you are successful in your application and the marriage has been annulled then you may re-marry after the iddah period. There are many reliable Judicial Body’s of Ulama across the United States, who will be willing to assess your situation and act accordingly. You may contact the Ulama Council of Detroit or the Shariah Board of Chicago. Below are links to their respective websites:

http://ulamacouncilofdetroit.weebly.com/

http://www.rahmatealam.net/

Until then, make constant dua to Allah Ta’ala and observe sabr (patience). Allah says in the Qur’aan:

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ 

Translation: And when My servants ask you, (O Muhammad), concerning Me, tell them, indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me (by obedience) and believe in Me that they may be (rightly) guided.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Abdullah Ghadai

Student Darul Iftaa
Michigan, U.S.A

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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