In our relgion parents very important , they have many rights, how to treat them etc . But what if such a father makes you embarrassed in front of people, in fornt of my in-laws , drinking alcohol , does not help economically at home and we are not worth nothing to him. The same applies about our mother , she means nothing to him. So what can we do? we talked to him but nothing helps. Are there any good ways to leave him? I know this might not be so easy but Islam is not so unfair because there is one person and the entire family have it to get hurt of him.
In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is indeed unfortunate to take note of your father’s situation. Such a behavior and conduct towards one’s family is incorrect and disrespectful.
You are correct in understanding how Shari‘ah emphasizes to have utmost respect for one’s parents. In keeping this important point in mind, you should approach the situation with a solution that entails utmost love and affection and not harshness and disrespect. Furthermore, one might have the right objective in mind, however, if an incorrect method is adopted then such an approach will often result in resentment and indifference towards the subject and will halt future attempts in rectifying the situation.
As such, in such a situation we advise you to approach your father with utmost love and affection in a kind and diplomatic manner. Seek professional help for your father and if necessary, perhaps it is best to consider admitting your father in rehab in order to overcome the drinking problem. Furthermore, contact the brothers who are involved in the effort of Tablīgh in your Masjid so that they may encourage your father to spend some time in Jamā‘ah. Spending a few days in Jamā‘ah even if it is for three days can be a great means of changing your father’s life as many examples in the past and present are a witness to this fact. Moreover, it is advisable to contact a local ‘Alim and work under his mashwarah (consultation).
Do remember that as the children of your father, you cannot disassociate yourself from him as you are obliged to deal with the situation. On the other hand, your mother as his wife may leave him by requesting talāq or khul‘a. It is possible that this may jolt your father to realize the gravity of his actions and be means to resolve the situation.
Lastly, make du‘ā’ in abundance to Allah Ta‘āla and may Allah Ta‘āla grant you and all the strength to overcome all difficulties of life. Āmeen.
And Allah Ta‘āla Knows Best
Fahad Abdul Wahab
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai