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Should I go to a gathering to help my friends leave their bad habits?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

 The place that I stay here have mixed gatherings I.e., d potlucks n dawaths n Iftar partys all kind if gatherings. With all ladies n gents together. I recently shifted to this place. Since I do parda,n (come from tableegh family) earlier I used to sit With complete parda but then I felt I am sinning myself to be even part of d gathering.( Pls note that these gathering are free from music or alcohol or any such thing. )

So I stopped going. Then I called all of them to my house one by one N maintained parda I.e., I made separate seating arrangements for men n women. I helped all of them in many ways. Slowly I gained their trust n they agreed to have separate gatherings henceforth only because of me. They would keep men in 1 apt n women in completely diff apt. We play games like truth n dare. And things went beyond control n we started asking some really personally questions like Miya biwi personal questions.

I dint realize d seriousness n I too went with the flow. Though nobody revealed anything much but there were too bold questions as part of game n v laughed n enjoyed a lot. It was only after coming home I realized d sin I did. M very embarrassed. N I prayed salath tauba. I regret a lot. My question is should I be part of these gatherings henceforth? And if I stop going, they will again start having mixed gatherings.

I thought of improving d situation here but then I sinned myself in return! I can’t stop going completely also coz I will cutting all ties here. Pls guide me as what to do.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister-in-Islam,

It is encouraging to note that you have taken the initiative in bringing your friends and neighbors closer to Islamic values by showing them the wisdom behind the concept of pardah in Islam. May Allāh Ta`ālā always keep your zeal for Dīn at its peak. Amīn.

The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said:

الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ 

Dīn is the name of sincerity and well wishing (for others).[1]

This hadīth clearly shows us that caring for other Muslims and bringing them towards what is right and helping them leave what is wrong is a part of Dīn.[2] As such, it is your duty to help your fellow brethren and teach them about the divine teachings of Islam. Furthermore, the Messenger of Allāh ﷺ has placed great emphasis on helping others leave sin, lest one finds himself punished by Allāh Ta`ālā for being negligent in one’s duty.[3]

However, this does not mean that one should lower one’s guard in order to fulfill this purpose. You stated that initially, your friends would hold mix gatherings without any regard to the commands of Hijāb and pardah, but due to your persistence and sincere advice, through preaching and practice you were able to mend their hearts and bring them to change their ways. Similarly, if gatherings such as these results in backbiting, fruitless gossiping, and engaging in harām conversations, then instead of running away from such things you should take the same initiative you took in regards to the laws of pardah.

Kindly explain to your friends that Islam teaches us to be honest, chaste people who talk about good and desist from bad mouthing others and holding talks that do not benefit our Dīn or Dunyā. Encourage them to start holding sessions of ta`līm with books such as Fazāil A`māl by Shaykhul Hadīth Muhammad Zakariyya (rahimahullā) and advise them to listen to lectures of `Ulamā’ regarding the afterlife and the transient life of this Dunyā. Through patience and steadfastness, InShā Allāh they will come to understand the beauty of this Dīn and will further focus on reforming themselves and these gatherings so they can be a means of acceptance in the eyes of Allāh Ta`ālā. It is also highly advisable that you make continuous du`ā’ for your friends as there is no tool more powerful than a sincere du`ā’.

In the event that your friends respond negatively to your suggestions, you should kindly excuse yourself from such gatherings instead of involving yourself further in sin. Your mission is to convey the teachings of Islam; acceptance and guidance is in the hands of Allāh Ta`ālā alone.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Bilal Mohammad

Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

www.daruliftaa.net


[1] Muslim, 95, The Book of Faith

[2] وَأَمَّا نَصِيحَةُ عَامَّةِ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَهُمْ مَنْ عَدَا وُلَاةِ الْأَمْرِ فَإِرْشَادُهُمْ لِمَصَالِحِهِمْ فِي آخِرَتِهِمْ وَدُنْيَاهُمْ وَكَفُّ الْأَذَى عَنْهُمْ فَيُعَلِّمُهُمْ مَا يَجْهَلُونَهُ مِنْ دِينِهِمْ وَيُعِينُهُمْ عَلَيْهِ بِالْقَوْلِ وَالْفِعْلِ وَسَتْرُ عَوْرَاتِهِمْ وَسَدُّ خَلَّاتِهِمْ وَدَفْعُ الْمَضَارِّ عَنْهُمْ وَجَلْبُ الْمَنَافِعِ لَهُمْ وَأَمْرُهُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَنَهْيُهُمْ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ بِرِفْقٍ وَإِخْلَاصٍ وَالشَّفَقَةُ عَلَيْهِمْ وَتَوْقِيرُ كَبِيرِهِمْ وَرَحْمَةُ صَغِيرِهِمْ وَتَخَوُّلُهُمْ بِالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَتَرْكُ غِشِّهِمْ وَحَسَدِهِمْ وَأَنْ يُحِبَّ لهم ما يجب لِنَفْسِهِ مِنَ الْخَيْرِ وَيَكْرَهُ لَهُمْ مَا يَكْرَهُ لِنَفْسِهِ مِنَ الْمَكْرُوهِ وَالذَّبُّ عَنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ وَأَعْرَاضِهِمْ وَغَيْرُ ذَلِكَ مِنْ أَحْوَالِهِمْ بِالْقَوْلِ وَالْفِعْلِ وَحَثُّهُمْ عَلَى التَّخَلُّقِ بِجَمِيعِ مَا ذَكَرْنَاهُ مِنْ أَنْوَاعِ النصيحة وتنشيط هممهم إِلَى الطَّاعَاتِ

(شرح النووي علي صحيح مسلم، حديث رقم ٩٥، كتاب الإيمان)

[3] عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: لَمَّا وَقَعَتْ بَنُو إِسْرَائِيلَ فِي الْمَعَاصِي فَنَهَتْهُمْ عُلَمَاؤُهُمْ فَلَمْ يَنْتَهُوا، فَجَالَسُوهُمْ فِي مَجَالِسِهِمْ وَوَاكَلُوهُمْ وَشَارَبُوهُمْ، فَضَرَبَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَ بَعْضِهِمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَلَعَنَهُمْ {عَلَى لِسَانِ دَاوُدَ وَعِيسَى ابْنِ مَرْيَمَ ذَلِكَ بِمَا عَصَوْا وَكَانُوا يَعْتَدُونَ} قَالَ: فَجَلَسَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، وَكَانَ مُتَّكِئًا فَقَالَ: لاَ وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ حَتَّى تَأْطُرُوهُمْ عَلَى الحَقِّ أَطْرًا قَالَ عَبْدُ اللهِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ: قَالَ يَزِيدُ: وَكَانَ سُفْيَانُ الثَّوْرِيُّ لاَ يَقُولُ فِيهِ عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ.

(سنن الترميذي، حديث رقم ٣٠٤٧، أبواب تفسير القرآن)

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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