assalaamu alaykum,
I work overseas and away from my wife. In my free time i enjoy to do dawah online. Few months ago i met a christian lady online we discussed islam for over 6 months and finallah alhamdulillah she converted even though we are in two different countries. since then she has learned how to pray and memorized several quran surahs. she is totally commited to islam to the point she studied the seerah of the prophet (saw), abubakr (ra) and umar (ra). she is already doing dawah and two of her friends have converted. she does work in Hong Kong as a maid and her family is in Philippines. She is currently doing dawah to her family.
As time went by we fell in love and i am totally happy to have her as a wife and she agrees on it. Last month i visite my wife and in one day she spied on me by checking my phone msgs. she found some messages that i exchanged with the lady in Hong Kong. Those msgs were love in nature. So she became very upset even though i told her it was wrong for her to spy on me. She now insists that i divorce her or let that lady go. I feel very bad if I let the lady go due to the fact I am the only one she love to have as a husband and also that I am the only muslim she discuss Islam with. I taught her how to pray, fast, recite quran, and all about dawah. I know if i stop talking to her it will devastate her and also might cause her depression specially since she works for a Chinese family who are really hard on her.
Can I lie to my wife that I stopped talking to her just to cool things off? I do not want to lose my wife either, but she is not flexiable on this matter.
Jazaakullah khayran.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Alhamdulillah, you were a means of the woman in reference to accept Islam. She trusted you and was guided by you. Now that you have overstepped this mark and used her conversion to Islam for your own benefit, you risk losing the rewards of your efforts. Furthermore, you ought to be a role model of a practicing and Allah conscious Muslim to her. She ought to look up to you to get closer to Allah. When you have fallen in love with her and broke the laws and limitations of Hijab, how do you expect her to believe and understand the rationale behind the laws of Hijab? How will she understand Taqwa and fighting her Nafs to please Allah when you yourself are actually exchanging love text messages to her? She knows you are married, she may be questioning the role of a married Muslim woman and how she can be cheated on. She may even lose trust in you due to your Haraam conduct with her. You teach her about Allah consciousness and go against what you taught her. If you are honest about Da’wah and wished for the woman to accept Islam for the pleasure of Allah, take it one step further and tell her you fear Allah and your Nafs got the better of you. You should not have trespassed the limits of the Da’wah communication and you are sorry. Tell her you are making Tawbah to Allah and wish to obey Allah by breaking contact with her. Tell her this is the law of Allah. Do tell her you feel like a hypocrite telling her about Allah and going against Allah. Advise her to be steadfast on Islam and refer her to some Muslim woman who could assist her or refer her to a reliable Muslim woman website like www.idealwoman.org. If you do this, you will salvage the damage you have done and Insha’Allah also preserve the reward for her being guided through you. You cannot lie to your wife and continue your Haraam communication. Thank your wife for helping you abstain from Haraam and apologize to her for hurting her. This honest and repentant attitude requires courage but will ultimately please Allah.
And Allah knows best,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai