I have a complicated situation. I am in love with a Muslim man who is Palestinian. I am Bengali but also Muslim. He is 21 I am 20. We have been in love for about 2 years. His parents do not agree with us getting a Nikah and living apart so at least we can know that we are okay in front of Allah’s eyes. The reason they don’t agree is because he is in his second year of college and they think he is young and the main reason is because I am not a Palestinian.
We have been acting like boyfriend girlfriend for a long time but I told him we cannot do that and see each other anymore in case it leads to haram. I wanted us to focus and be better on our Deen Inshallah. He agreed with me because he says he loves me and I am willing to marry him and live apart even if he has no degree because I love him too.
He has fought many times with his parents saying it is haram to say no to me without a valid reason. Sometimes this makes him want to marry me now but then he thinks that over time his dad will accept us after seeing that we have been together for a long time. But that is haram until we are married.
I suggested to get married within the next year without his parents approval because I feel his parents will not agree. Sometimes he agrees and sometimes he doesn’t. He gets my hopes up and says we will marry soon, other times he says just be patient and lets play it smart. But I know Nikah is the best thing to do. He tells me I do love you, why else would I fight for you and be with you for so long? I just don’t know how to help him see reason that Nikah is good and what to do about his parents. He is a good guy but it upsets me when he goes back and forth. What should I do please help me.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We appreciate you seeking our advice on this matter.
Sister we will be forthright with you. This relationship that you have with this man is not permissible. We advise you to repent to Allah Ta῾ālā for having this relationship. It is in your best interest that you cut all links with this man. Have a resolution to not come anywhere near this man. If you desire to get married then we suggest you approach your seniors and mention this. There is no use wasting your time with this man. If he really wants to be in a relationship with you then that can only be by means of marriage. Presently he is as good as any other stranger to you.
The laws of Allah Ta῾ālā are there for our own protection, chastity and safety. There is no concept of premarital relations in Islam. The ill effects of this type of life style are quite clear. We are human beings and work with emotions. Allah Ta῾ālā is our creator and our ultimate well wisher. He knows what is in our best interest and what is not. Sometimes being human, we are inclined towards things which in reality are harmful for us. And sometimes we may dislike something which is in reality for our own benefit. Allah Ta῾ālā speaks about this in the Quran;
عَسَى أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ وَعَسَى أَنْ تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُمْ (البقرة:216)
“Yet it may be that you hate a thing, while it is good for you. And it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you.”
We make Dua Allah Ta῾ālā guides you to that which is most beneficial for you and your Deen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Husain Kadodia.