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I have fallen in love with a girl, how do I perform Salaat al-Istikhara for marriage?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I would really appreciate if you can help me with this issue. I got in to a relationship with a girl which started as a friendship and continued for 6-7 years. When our relationship became serious then we seriously wanted to get married as soon as possible. Alhamdulillah we both are religious and we only met 5-6 times in 7 years. We have not even touched each other except for one handshake. We always talk on the phone that is it. We also understand that talking like this on the phone is not applicable in Islam, but unfortunately we were not able to stop that.
So as we decided to get married, I approached my parents and told them everything about her and they agreed to visit her parents. So my parents went to their home and met their family, but my parents turned this appointment down because they are not as rich as we are. My mother did istekhaara and saw smething indicating that this girl is not good for me. Alhamdulillah this girl is very religious and loyal to me as she always listens to me regarding any wordly affair and loves me alot and wants to get married to me only. Both of us did istekhaara but were not able to come to any decision as of now.
Currently I am doing istekhaara again and insha-Allah I am hoping to get an answer from Allah. My question to you is that:
 
1) What should I do in this case?
2) Should I ask my parents to do istekhaara again?
3) Is that appropriate for my parents to reject her as they are not so rich?
4) What should I do if I dont get any indication from Allah in my istekhaara?
5) For how may days should I do the istekhaara?
6) Can you also provide the right way for istekhaara if I may be doing wrong in any case.
 
One more reason for asking this question at this point of time is her parents are forcing her to get married sooner now. I really need help from Allah on what decision I should take.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

 

1) The Messenger of Allah salallahu alayhi wasallam has stated that a woman is married for four reasons, her wealth, lineage, beauty and religion. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam encouraged that a person should opt for the woman who is religious.

وَعَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ – قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ – صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ -: ” «تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَلِجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ» “. مُتَّفَقٌ عَلَيْهِ.

It is praiseworthy that you want to marry a girl who has piety. However, it is important to note that having contact with a Ghair Mahram is contrary to piety. Therefore, it weakens the basis of the very argument on which you want to marry this girl. Thus, you should immediately cut of all contact with this girl. Make lots of Tawba and Istighfar for the haram contact you had with this girl.

 

2) Firstly the method of performing Salaat al-Istikhara is to perform two rakaat nafl salah. After performing the salah, the following dua should be recited:

 

اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُك بِعِلْمِكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ. اللَّهُمَّ إنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِيْ وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي وَعَاجِلِ أَمْرِي وَآجِلِهِ، فَاقْدِرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي وَعَاجِلِ أَمْرِي وَآجِلِهِ فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدِرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ رَضِّنِي بِهِ .

After reciting the dua, the person performing the istikhara should mention his need. It is recommended that this be repeated seven times if need be. Some Mashayikh have stated that it is recommended that one sleeps whilst in the state of wudhu facing the qibla after reciting the afore-mentioned dua.

It is not necessary that one should see a dream rather a feeling of inclination is sufficent. If one is unable to perform the salah the dua would suffice.

Thus there is no harm in performing the istikhara again.[1] [1]

 

3) As for your parents wanting a girl who has wealth, this is certainly not the criteria which should determine the suitability of a potential spouse. Therefore, it would be advisable that you consult your parents and mention in a polite manner the charateristics you are looking for in a potential spouse. Hasan al-Basri رحمه الله stated that a nation does not ever consult except that they will be guided to the most righteous matter. Therefore, consult your parents and whatever results from the discussion accept it. [2]

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mawlana Mohammed Patel

Student Darul Ifta

Zambia.

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net



[1] وَيَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُكَرِّرَهَا سَبْعًا، لِمَا رَوَى ابْنُ السُّنِّيِّ «يَا أَنَسُ إذَا هَمَمْت بِأَمْرٍ فَاسْتَخِرْ رَبَّك فِيهِ سَبْعَ مَرَّاتٍ، ثُمَّ اُنْظُرْ إلَى الَّذِي سَبَقَ إلَى قَلْبِك فَإِنَّ الْخَيْرَ فِيهِ» وَلَوْ تَعَذَّرَتْ عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ اسْتَخَارَ بِالدُّعَاءِ اهـ مُلَخَّصًا. وَفِي شَرْحِ الشِّرْعَةِ: الْمَسْمُوعُ مِنْ الْمَشَايِخِ أَنَّهُ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يَنَامَ عَلَى طَهَارَةٍ مُسْتَقْبِلَ الْقِبْلَةِ بَعْدَ قِرَاءَةِ الدُّعَاءِ الْمَذْكُورِ، فَإِنْ رَأَى مَنَامَهُ بَيَاضًا أَوْ خُضْرَةً فَذَلِكَ الْأَمْرُ خَيْرٌ، وَإِنْ رَأَى فِيهِ سَوَادًا أَوْ حُمْرَةً فَهُوَ شَرٌّ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُجْتَنَبَ اهـ.( رد المحتار ( ص 27 / ج 2 / المكتبة الشاملة )

[2] قَالَ الْحَسَنُ: مَا تَشَاوَرَ قَوْمٌ قَطُّ إِلَّا هُدُوا لِأَرْشَدِ أُمُورِهِمْ .( تفسير القرطبي ( ص 37 / ج 16 / المكتبة الشاملة ))

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