I am at a very difficult point of my life.Need help with family issues.Parents are having a messy divorce,brother married a Christian, my sister has ran away from home.Mom lives with my sis now and is trying to bring Islam into the house.My sister stays out with friends for days,and does not come home.She does not help mom,and has told mom that she is in love with a Catholic boy and they plan to marry.Mom told her how haram it was and sis brings up that my brother did the same.Mom explains that my he is a man and it’s allowed.Sis does not want to understand and feels Islam is oppressing her.Astaqfar?Alla!I married a muslim man,Al7amdulilah & both my bro & sis feel that I am the outsider now.Last night I was told that my bro accepted Christianity ASTAQFAR?ALLAH!!And has been baptized.My husband is very distraught and wants to cut ties.What should I do? Dad has cut ties with all but me.Please help me with all these situations!
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding the issues in your family.
It is indeed tragic that your parents have reached a point where their marriage is ending and that your siblings have lost touch with their Imaan. I can understand your distress for you must be feeling that this is not what you desire for your loved ones. Everyone of us should desire Jannah not for ourselves only but for our family and fellow Muslims too.
Allah Ta’ala does not misguide us. He is merciful, we are His creation, we belong to Him and he loves us. We are in need of Him and not the other way round. When we turn away from Him and choose to worship dunya, Allah Ta’ala too, turns away from us. Allah Ta’ala is not dependent on us, He does not need us, we depend on and need Him. It appears that your mum found it quite acceptable for your brother to marry a Christian woman. Yes, Christians are “People of the book” However, Allah Ta’ala’s commands are very clear about
whose religion will be followed in such a union. We also have to remember that Allah Ta’ala replaced and abrogated many laws from the era of Esa’ (alayhis salaam) when He sent down the Quran and Islam as the final religion. Muslim parents or families who ignore this advent do so at the risk of losing their imaan. Your brother has now abandoned his deen and lost his imaan. He is an adult and has to take responsibility for his actions. He is not unaware of the consequences of his actions.
I would like to suggest to you that you take care with your own children. We have become attached to the trappings of this dunya. We place tremendous emphasis on secular education, our culture is totally non-Islamic and we value everything which is alien to Islam. Yes, we should equip our children with knowledge which will benefit them in this world and the hereafter. They should have knowledge which will not make them dependent on others for their upkeep. We have however gone to the other extreme by forgetting to educate our children about their duties, responsibilities and commitment as Muslims.
Can you imagine that if every daughter was brought up with the knowledge of the Quran and Hadith firmly fixed in her heart how many “armies” would be raised for Allah Ta’ala’s deen? When every Muslim woman proudly carries the banner of Islam and is proud of her status in Islam, she would raise her sons with the knowledge that service to Allah Ta’ala’s deen is what he should aspire to. Whether it is through kindness to his wife and mother, using his talents to benefit his family and his fellow human beings, or reciting and practicing on the Quran; he will be serving Allah Ta’ala’s deen. When daughters are brought up knowing what their rights are in Islam, aware of their obligations, duties and status, filled with the knowledge that by following simple laws of haya, service to parents, children and the community, they will be joining the Queen of Jannah in the aaagirah. Presently our young want to grow up to be like sports and movie stars. They want to take up acting careers in movies and TV’s, their role models are not the ambiya or the sahaba but the Yahood, Nasaarah, hypocrits and idol-worshippers like the Bollywood stars. Is it any wonder then that when parents place so much emphasis and effort on dunya, that their children grow up to reject their deen? I clearly recall what an Irish friend of mine once told me when she came to spend some time with our family. She couldn’t understand how we as Muslims allowed our little girls to dress in any way they wished but as soon as they reached puberty, they had to cover up. She wasn’t surprised that the young girls rebelled and refused to give up their jeans and tops at that stage.
She said to me that if she was a Muslim parent she would make her daughters dress modestly from a young age so that they could go on dressing a little more modestly according to the requirements of Islam at the time of puberty.
We as Muslim parents have lost the plot and with it, our children too. Trying to make them adhere to Allah Ta’ala’s laws when we have neglected to instill these values at a young age, is like ‘closing the barn door after the horse has bolted’.
Do not break off ties with your siblings. Try your best to remind them about Allah Ta’ala whenever you can. You will have to choose your moments and be tactful, tolerant and patient. You do have an unenviable task ahead of you. If you can get suitable literature for your brother and sister to read, do so. Leave it in their presence so that they can have time to read it. You cannot give them hidayah, only Allah Ta’ala can, so don’t feel downhearted if you find you are not making progress with them. Go on trying to convince
them to return to the straight path and go on making dua for them. There is no point in breaking off ties with them as there will be children to think of also. Insha’allah, if you go on encouraging the family, who knows, the children will be a form of making their parents returning to Islam. It is only through the mercy of Allah Ta’ala that we are Muslim and it only through His mercy that we will hold on to His deen. We should not make nafrat of our fellow human beings. A great deal of effort is going to be needed from you, your husband and your parents. If your siblings become nasty and mean then I guess all you can do is continue to make dua for them. You will other letters on teh site regarding advice to a family where a sibling wanted to marry out of the deen. See if you can get your sister to read it.
Please feel free to write again if you wish. May Allah Ta’ala guide your siblings towards deen, may He protect the imaan of every Muslim and let us live with Imaan, die with imaan and raise us up with imaan on the day of Judgment. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai