Salaam. I am a student at the moment and don’t have a job, though I will be getting a part-time job soon, Inshallah. I wish to propose to her soon after, but don’t not know which way to do so. I don’t want to ask someone to ask her for me, as I would not want anyone else to know if she said no, but I don’t know how and what I should do, if it is at all aloud in Islam, for me to ask her directly. I have spent abit of time crying and making Dua to Allah in the last 2 months that I?ve been in love with her. Can you please advice me on what I should do in the meantime, and what actions I should take in proposing to her. I have been depressed since falling in love with her, because of not knowing how to propose to her when the time is right, and thinking what if she says no, as I would not no how to react to that, it would certainly shatter my heart if that were the case. Can you please advice me, and make Dua for me.
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your plans for the future.
Brother, seeing that you have decided that a certain lady is the person you
would like to marry, ask a senior person in your family or your parents to
approach her parents with a proposal. My hope is that you have chosen her
for her piety and not for any other worldly reason. As she is not your
mahram, it is not acceptable for you to talk to her nor approach her
directly. You say you are deeply in love with her. You have to however
remember that dating and being alone with her is not allowed in Islam as
intermingling with non-mahram women is haraam.
If Allah Ta’ala has willed her for you as your wife she will be so. You
mention that you will be heart broken if you cannot marry her. Allah Ta’ala
knows what is best for you and it appears that you are a young person. Put
your faith and hope in your Creator and not in fellow human beings. We are
mortal, fallible and totally dependent on our Creator. If she doesn’t accept
your proposal and you do not get to marry her, make dua that Allah Ta’ala
will grant you better. There is no point in becoming morose and deflated
over a matter like this. If she rejects your proposal, you have time to find
employment, develop your skills and then seek a suitable partner later.
You could also spend more time learning about deen and what your
responsibilities are as a husband and how you should fulfill the rights of
your wife, children and the rest of your family. There are so many positive
things you could do with your time as you prepare for your life as a married
man. The responsibilities of being a husband are great and insha’allah if
you learn to approach this task with the sunnah alive in your heart, you
will be successful as a husband and father.
May Allah Ta’ala grant you the ability to accept His plans for you and may
He also grant you a pious wife. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Sister Fadila
Social Department
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai