I am a Asian Gujarati 31yr old male. I have known a 28yrs old White Converted Muslim whom I would like to marry (I have chosen her for her Islamic values and qualities). She also want’s to get married to me. I have spoken to my family regarding this and they have refused even to meet or enquire about her. Their reason for this is that they would like me to marry someone from back home from my own and that I should listen to them and if I was to go ahead and marry then this would bring shame and disrespect to the family. They also say that I would not receive their blessings, my marriage will not work and I would be unhappy for the rest of my life in this world and in Hearafter. I understand that to be obedient to one’s parents is important and Inshallah I do try to be as much as I can, but in this instance I think this is a unfair request from my parents and they are just taking advantage of this. If I were to get married to this girl, would this classify as being disobedient and what does Shariah say about this.
We understand your predicament and sympathise with you in your plight. The ruling concerning marrying someone against the wishes of your parents is that a sane and mature male has the right to marry whom he wishes and the marriage would be proper.
Before taking such a step, you should bear in mind the consequences of marrying against your parent’s wishes. Firstly, you would lose the valuable blessings and prayers of your beloved parents. Secondly, relations between you and your parents would be strained or broken, resulting in innumerable hardships later on in life, especially for your children.
When we look into the Hadith and the lives of the Sahaaba (Radhiallaahu Anhum), we find that they would divorce a wife on the order of their parents, not to speak of marrying without their permission. Ibn Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) says, ?I was married to a woman whom I loved very much, but my father Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) disliked her and ordered me to divorce her. I refused, so Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu) reported this to Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) who then ordered me to divorce her.? (Abu Dawud; Tirmidhi)
My sincere advice to you would be to keep your parents happy. You could either marry someone they want you to marry or convince them to allow you to marry this girl. Turn to Allah for guidance and ask Him to enable both you and your parents to come to a harmonious settlement.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai