Is it allowed to break the contact with my father from the islamic point of view in this case? my father tried to get in sexual contact with me
my question is about breaking up any cotact with my father. When I was about 17 years old my little brother and me where on holidays together with my father. At this time I didnt practise Islam. On this vacation it happend that my father tried to get in sexual contact with me, I was very shocked. Also I have to mention that my father is evil, because he makes black magigic or so called “sihir”. Here is my question: Is it allowed to break the contact with my father from the islamic point of view in this case? Is it right that he is not anymore mahram for me? May Allah reward you for your help.
Our heart pains and hurts for the trauma you have been thought. Masha-Allah you have taken the step to address your problem.
We commend you. Firstly – it is important to address the actual trauma. Have you been counselled on this isue. Nevertheless, writing is very therapeutic, pour your hurt, feelings, anger onto to paper. Even though it may be jumbled. Even addressing the actual situation, how you felt, mixed emotions, hurt, fear. Consider that the emotions erupted now, try and recall everything that reminds you of the event , by the place, the cloths, the room, birth of a baby, meeting your father, glazed looks etc -Do you suffer from nightmares, bedwetting, obesity, annorexia, vomiting, etc.
Write all these out -Once off your chest speak to your therapist or you may correspond with us. One can work towards acceptance of an unfortunate situation – (e.g. like innocent victims of the War in Iraq, Palestine, who never asked to be in that situation.). Remember, it’s not your fault, even if you may have not been Islaamic at that time., it is most definitely not your fault. You were young and your innocence , most certainly violated by the perpetrator.
However, hate the sin your father committed. You have every right to be angry at his sins and faults. Do not hate him. Unfortunately he is sick. Make sincere dua for his guidance and forgiveness. Now as a step forward – ensure your satar – body is covered according to requirements of Islaam. Avoid alluring clothes in front of him. keep a reasonable distance, always be accompanied with someone when in his presence, until you are quite certain that he has sincerely repented and are quite sure that he will never do this again – However still be careful. Keep your modesty. Should any approach be made by him or any other perpetrator remember, keep towards exits – don’t allow yourself into a corner and have a right to fight and defend yourself. Inform necessary parties, neighbours police etc – should a situation arise – This is only protection – other than this – try to forgive him – even if forgetting is difficult. However, this will heal and become of the past making you a stronger, better person.
Note cordial greeting and respect as in the creation of Allah Ta’ala is important seeking from Allah to guide him and have mercy on him for at least any of his good towards providing or your upbringing. But Note – this does not mean you have to submit to his evils. A definite NO,NO – as mentioned be careful and maintain reasonable distance for your protection. Note ensure other girls and your children too are kept at distance from him and protected.
Healing also comes through Istigfaar, repentance for all our other sins and dua and complete faith in Allah Ta’ala. Note – You may feel better helping others and in support and empathising with them, (though not transferring your fears onto them). Do not give up Hope in the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala. Move forward.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai