If ones spouse is cold and causes disagreements amongst his own and his in-law family,what can be done by the wife?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by

The spouse is a very hard and cold person who is not on speaking terms with various people. He also is very unloving to his wife. His parents in-law do not like him very much. The wife is concerned that his behaviour is having an effect on both families especially her.


One empathizes with your difficulty and commend you for seeking advise.

Firstly it appears that your spouse may have had a histroy which has brought on this behaviour. More details on his past upbringing or bitter experiences may help. Histroy of his family too.

When also did this cold attitude develop towards you? Was it from day one of marriage?

Is he having any extra marital affairs?

Is he one who wishes to control you and alienate you from your family and friends?

Is he going through any insecurities or financial depresion?

To help advise you, one needs a little more information on background.

However perhaps you can help him by building up strength and courage to overlook his shortcomings for a period – however to subtly help him better himself. The first step is to give him some tender loving care, become his friend, active listen to him, as in understanding him even if you don’t agree with him. Don’t argue or judge him. Look for positive qualities in him. Tell him what you like about him. Make him aware of his good qualities. Smile often to him (It’s sunnat to smile). Ask family members just to bear with him and praise him on his good qualities.

Don’t give up if he does not respond. Prod along, and make dua- Insha Allah you will notice changes. Keep assessing, you will notice small gradual improvements. However more information is necessary.

and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best



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This answer was collected from, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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