Dear Mufti Sahab, I must first of all thank you and all those who are behind such a very useful site. Jazakkallahu Khair. My question, I like someone she is aged 27 years mother of three and a revert to Islam. I have known her to be putting good efforts to learn Islam and she is person who have had tough times and been hurt in her past and Insha Allah situations are gradually improving. She lives in US and now is in fond hopes of marrying me (I only gave her hopes) and I am fully happy about that. What troubles me is my parents backhome who wouldn?t agree for this for fear of what the society (cultural difference and sine she is mother of three) would say and I fear they are going to be disheartened as they are in high hopes about my marriage to anyone native. I am sure that they will accept our marriage in due course of time. Though I am not well learnt in Islam, my intentions are to pour enough spirit in her and help us both to be good muslims Insha Allah. My question is what shall I do and if my parents (I will do my best to convince them) get offended about this marriage will I be forgiven by Allah and I don’t want to dishearten or eave deep wounds of hurt and break my promise. We both have been doing Ishtikarah and she been getting good dreams. Please pray for me. I will be very grateful if replied soon as I have only very less time left to go on vacation to my native. Jazakkallahu Khair. Wassalam
When Hadhrat Jaabir ibn Abdullah (Radhiallaahu Anhu) got married, Rasulullah
(Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) enquired from him, ‘What type of woman he got
married to – Baakira (virgin) or Sayyiba (non-virgin).’ He replied that he
got married to a Sayyiba. Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) then
remarked, ‘Why didn’t you marry a virgin, as she may play with you and you
may play with her.’ Jaabir (Radhiallaahu Anhu) offered an excuse that his
father, Abdullah became Shaheed in the battle of Uhud and he had left
daughters. I decided to marry an elderly person to take care of my sisters.
If you are young, in view of the abovequoted Hadith, we advise you marry a
virgin. However, should you feel inclined towards the woman in reference, we
advise you consider the implications of marrying her. It is often noticed
that people marry divorcees or widows and when they are unable to bear the
pressure of living with such a woman, they divorce her, thus causing
devastation to her.
Your zeal to ‘pour enough spirit’ in her and marry her is commendable only
if you maintain that spirit permanently even after marrying her. We advise
you make Istikhaara as well as discuss the matter with your seniors before
the relationship build up any further.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai