I use to live with my wife and child in a joint family (my parents and 3 sisters) for 2 years, but due to many problems and disputes between my wife and the family ? which eventually affected the whole family including me too – I decided to move out of the house and live in a separate place, and due to this my father has decided to cut me off with every person in the family and gave oath to my mother and sisters not to speak to me or try to get in touch with me by any means. I tried to convince him that I didn’t take this step to because I love my wife too much or I hate my parents (God forbid), I only did it because things really got bad and everybody started hating her including me for defending her. My self, my mother and sisters have tried to convince him that this is not the right way to cut me off and forget that they have a son or a brother and that I don’t have any parents. I tried to visit them and get in touch with them many times but my father wouldn’t let me and keeps pressurizing them not meet me either and ignore me. What should I do in this situation? bearing in mind that there isn’t a person in the family or among his friends who I can talk to to convince him.
We do empathize with the deep pain in your heart.
First start off with turning to Allah Ta’ala. ( Check point : at this stage what sins are you indulging in-make effort to change).
If possible wake up at the time of Tahajjud when duas are surely to be answeres (Insha Allah). Read Tahajjud, Salaatul Tauba, Salaatul Haajat and make zikr of Allah Ta’ala, calling unto him from your deep recesses of your hearts. Seek HIS forgiveness for all sins major and minor with tears. Plead your helplessness to Allah Ta’ala, plead for Allah Ta’aala’s mercy, to change their hearts especially your fathers. For hearts are between Allah Ta’alaa’s fingers (nb metaphorical). Keep pleading Insha Allah will resolve your problems.
Secondly make every effort to build family ties solely for Allah Ta’aala’s pleasure. Consider the situation when you moved out was it ugly and unpleasant? Reflect perhaps some words were mentioned that caused deep pain and hurt to your father? What was the root cause of the problem?
Humble yourself and seek forgiveness on these issues. Perhaps write a letter to him seeking forgiveness and expressing your love for them, seeking their duas. Give them gifts to increase love. Try and do little favours for them. Consider what could you do that may just touch a tender spot in his heart. Speak to those who may have an effect on him, about your love for him and need for his forgiveness and acceptance, try to convey these messages to him.
At the same time, do not take out your anger and frustration on your wife. Soften your attitude all around, also shower her with love and kidness.
Since you are in Saudi Arabia and able to visit Makkah and Medinah then try and make duas at the Kaaba, after dring Zam Zam etc.
May Allah Ta’ala resolve your difficulties, please do inform us after your efforts even if it’s a small change. A small change too one must make shukr for.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai