Ive been wanting to marry a man of my own choice and we have done the right thing by telling our families and now they are about to give us a decision but I have found out that he has been seeing another woman behind my back for 2 years and another fling what should I do as I still do love him but cannot forget this
Jazakallah khair for writing to the institute. It is indeed fortunate that you have discovered that this man cannot be trusted. Nabi (salallaahu Alayhi wassallam) has left us with clear guidelines as to what type of marriage partner one should seek. Piety takes precedence above all else. Thus it follows that one should avoid so called “love marriages” as one’s judgement becomes clouded by shaitaan’s trickery.
I have an idea that your instincts tell you that you should give up on this man. Do you have any guarantee that he will be faithful to you after marriage? What you call ‘love’ now could turn to misery, despair and hatred if you find that his loyalty does not lie with you in any way. No marriage can survive if there is a lack of trust and sincerity and it is most certainly a very shaky start to a union which one expects to be a lifelong one. Sister, allow me to suggest that you discard this man before he discards you. Be honest with your parents, tell them what you have discovered and inform them that you do not wish to go ahead with this proposal. Tell him not to bother to come around again and inform him that he is history. Remember, the choice is yours to make. There comes a time in one’s life when one may have to make a painful choice in the beginning but which eventually brings about ease and comfort of mind and a more peaceful life.
Turn to your Creator instead, turn around your life and seek Allah Ta’ala’s guidance in helping you to adopt a life which is closer to the teachings of Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam). Learn about the very high status Allah Ta’ala has granted you as a Muslim woman. You are precious, you deserve the best, so go ahead and learn about your duties, rights and responsibilities as a Muslim daughter, sister, wife and mother. Empower yourself with knowledge which will prepare you to take up your rightful place in society and discover the elevated status which really belongs to you. Insha’allah, whilst you are on this quest, may Allah Ta’la grant you a worthy partner who will honour and respect you as well be a faithful and sincere husband and partner whom you can trust implicitly. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai