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I have question with regards to parent(s)/child relationship

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Mufti Saab, I have question with regards to parent(s)/child relationship. But before i do ask the question I would to give you a bit of background information about myself and my family members.

I am 18 years old. By the mercy of Allah I am the only child that out of my 4 brothers go to the Masjid for memorising the Quraan and also go on Jamaat (Tabligh). The thing is that whenever I do somthing wrong, be it intetional or unintentional, my parents just complain over it. Whatever they don’t like of my actions, they WILL complain over it. Whenever my brothers do the same action over which I have done and my parents have already complained about,  then no complaints go towards my brothers. My parents treat it as though nothing has happened. Such injustice has lead to hatred being filled up in my heart for my parents. They have no compassion and no mercy for me. I belive that I treat my parents more better than some of my brothers do. They don’t give me any credit for any good that I do although I expect my reward from Allah. One of the biggest wonders in my life is as to why I’ve been born to such parents as clearly they are no match for how religius I am.

My questions are that if my parents get displeased with me, am I at risk for dying without the kalima?

May peace be upon you the mercy of Allah and His blessings.

Answer

Jazakallah khair for writing to the institute regarding the relationship between yourself and your parents. Brother, consider yourself as the most fortunate person in your family. You are busy with the work of tableeq and making hifz of Allah Ta’ala’s word. You also say that you treat your parents with kindness and respect. Allah Ta’ala has blessed you with such great gifts at such an early age, alhamdoelillah ! Think about it, you are following the commands of Allah Ta’ala in that you are told to spread the word of “Laa ilaaha illallaa” and to honour your parents. If you do no other optional deeds but continue with these two actions, Jannah is yours, insha’allah.

It could be that Allah Ta’ala loves your present attitude and service to your parents so much that HE wants to test if you can be even more kind, tolerant, loving and bow down your needs to those of your parents. So, even if they are biased towards your brothers, you go on serving them and go on earning your rewards from Allah Ta’ala.

No acknowledgement, wealth or rewards from any person in this world can ever match what Allah Ta’ala has in store for you if you go on treating your parents with kindness and if you do not hurt them in return.

When you feel filled with hatred, think of what you could be losing.

Do also think of what your brothers are missing out on. Hatred is from shaitaan. He would love to see you all fall apart and it is by sticking his knife into your heart that he is trying to make you lose amal on your knowledge and the Quran. In order to gain success from your hifz, you have to bring the quran alive in your heart. You can only do that by having a good aqlaak. You seem to have a good one already. Dont let shaitaan destroy it. Forgive your parents each time you feel angry with them. Make wudhu and perform 2 rakaah salaah. Thereafter make dua for them and for yourself and ask Allah Ta’ala to increase love, understanding and tolerance between all of you. Most important though, ask Allah Ta’ala to grant you the ability to serve your parents through all times, no matter what your situation.

Think of the Sahaba who was told that he could not join Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) in the battlefield because he had to go serve his mother.

Under no circumstances should you think that because you perform salaah, memorise the Quran and make tableeq that you are better than any person who does not do so. Pride also comes from shaitaan and you should remember that it is only through the grace of Allah Ta’ala that you are able to perform these tasks. A person who suffers from even a grains worth of pride can be deprived of Jannah. Only Allah Ta’ala knows whose actions are most loved by Him. However, we also know which actions are most disliked by Him. Brother, I can only pass on to you the wisdom Mufti passed on to me. Serve your parents to the best of your ability, even if you are exhausted and feel you can’t carry on. It is only when they leave this world that you will begin to reap the rewards of your kind treatment of your parents.

Your parents are human, they are bound to make mistakes and hurt you sometimes. You are also human and obviously feel pain when that happens.

However, they are your entry into Jannah and what better way to earn Allah Ta’ala’s mercy and bounties than by serving your parents? Make dua for them, respect and honour them as best you can.

Another suggestion. When you put your views regarding the way of life which is most loved by Allah Ta’ala, do it with wisdom and tolerance. Your family may respond negatively if you are pushy with what you have learnt about what is right and wrong in Islam. Try to convey your message kindly and slowly.

Your brothers and parents may not have reached the enthusiastic levels which you have done already. May Allah Ta’ala increase the love and understanding between all of you and may shaitaan be prevented from having breaking the ties within your family. Ameen.

And Allah Ta’ala knows best.

Sister Fadila
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CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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