Assalamu Alaykum Mufti Saheb
I have had a rough marriage where my wife has betrayed my trust with many lies and intermingled while married to me with another of her past relationship.
With this doubt i have accepted her again, she has been good but occassionally i find that she does not be honest in other things. Example buying clothes which i have forbidden her to do because it has become excessive. So if she buys she does without my knowledge until i realise. Or when in gatherings she will not adhere to the level parda she does when i am present which is niqab or showing hair.
Having given you a brief of the past, i have come to feel that same feeling i once had when i suspected she was cheating and caught her.
Today i made dua before i slept and prayed al batinu falling asleep after fajr, fajr is early in uk. The dua was for Allah to show me the truth about her.
I dreamt after fajr:
I confronted her, she accepted her sin with her cousin as i suspected he is also married. She said it is good you caught me because i was not happy in this marriage. I asked her how his wife feels, she said she is trying to keep all our ties while explaining to them to stop this haram. I was angry and pulled the front of her hair almost ripping it. I said this time i will take the children and she should go. I went to my parents home and did mashwara to leave the country. I then woke calmly but very disturbed that a painful repeat of my past is coming.
Your guidance on whether this is from Allah
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The dream you saw could be illusions and thoughts [hadith al-nafs] (meaning the anxieties you have reflect themselves in your dream), or it could be real.
It is not clear what exactly you mean by “intermingled while married to me”. Regardless, your inquiry states that after that incident, your wife has been good but there are some issues with her level of hijab and her shopping habits.
We would advise you to give her the benefit of the doubt if you feel she has repented and is trying to make progress. [i] This would be all the more important, as your dream mentions children. Assuming you have children, your presence and tarbiyyah will be all the more important due to your concern for a proper Islamic lifestyle.
While you might have some anxieties about your wife’s behavior, it is important to understand that change can take time. Continue advising her and reminding her with love and patience about the importance of modesty and chastity and the abhorrence of intermingling, adultery etc.
Make dua to Allah to increase love between you and your wife, to make her attractive to you and to make you attractive to her, and to make it easy for you to fulfill your desires and satisfy her as well. Memorize the duas that are read at the time of intimacy. Insha-Allah, the blessings of that will manifest in your increased desire and love for her and vice-versa.
Make it a constant habit to recite the following dua from the Quran as well:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes
and make us an example for the righteous.” [Surah al-Furqan:74]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best,
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[i] وفي المجتبى من آخر الحظر والإباحة: لا يجب على الزوج تطليق الفاجرة ولا عليها تسريح الفاجر إلا إذا خافا أن
لا يقيما حدود الله فلا بأس أن يتفرقا. اهـ.
(البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق، كتاب النكاح: ٣/ ١١٥؛ دار الكتاب الإسلامي)