As salam Alaikum,
I am a male staying in Saudi Arabia, aged 29 & not-married yet;
I have been always travelling, initially for my education & later for work & vacation purposes,
With a heavy heart I need to tell you what I have done so far in my life, When I was in my teens age, I started watching porn & later one of my friend introduced me to a prostitute where I had physical relation with her for the first time, over a period of time, whenever it was available for me, I did this with many prostitutes (always with protection), Due to some family & financial issues I couldn’t get married early and this continued until now. If I count maybe I had done with over 15 or more females. I knew this was Haram but shaytaan is on my mind and I couldn’t resist myself. I still watch porn and masturbate. I don’t even pray because I don’t have control over myself, whenever I even think about praying, something comes up that pushes me away from namaz.
I still can’t marry for another one or two years because I am planning to migrate to another country for better job.
My question is how should I make Tawbah and what are the chances that I will be forgiven by Allah after I have done so much Zina?
My parents are looking for girls for me to marry, I am confused that should I inform about my past to my to-be-bride before marriage OR should I keep it as a secret, but will that be like cheating her if I hide this from her?
I am in a very bad situation and need your consoling to bring my life back to Islam.
Jazak Allah khair.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The guilty feeling is a sign and reflection of your sense of Imaan. The guilty feeling is also from Allah. You should value the feeling and use it in the right direction in order to experience barakah and blessings in your life. Turn to Allah. Make tawbah and never repeat the sin again. True repentance erases all sins.
We advise that you get married as soon as possible and move on with life. Let the bygones be bygones and start a new chapter in life. You do not have to disclose your past to your wife and that is not cheating.
Identify a spiritual guide and stay in the company of the pious. Let your heart fill with the love and fear of Allah Ta’āla.
We make dua Allah Taala grant you a happy and peaceful married life. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Huzaifah Deedat
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.