Asalam alaykum
I have been going through much grief after being rejected from a proposal by a girl’s father. I have been making dua for Allah to give me patience and to forgive my sins.
Firstly, I made the proposal after doing istikara namaz and after having a good sign the action was made. After doing research I have found a father must accept a proposal if the man is of good deen and character. Her entire family liked me and the father also said I’m a good boy and he likes me. I also pray namaz 5 times a day and I try my best to be the best I can as a muslim.
The reason her father has rejected me is because he does not like the size of my big family as he thinks his daughter will be a slave. When our families met we all reassured him we only want love and she will be loved like any other daughter.
The girl’s family wanted us to marry and they (siblings and mother) said to the father let’s make dua and start this process with Bismillah and the rest is in Allah’s hands. He said “I don’t need to make dua as I already know what will happen”. Then proceeded to say things such as “marrying him will be like committing suicide or jumping into a lake of fire. He will divorce her within 3 months and she will come back crying”.
He is a very educated 73-year-old man that is considered as a Muazzin in his community, thus getting an imam to speak to him will be bad since he will find this offensive.
I am a working man and am financially stable Alhamdulillah, hence I have bought the proposal to her father. She herself has also told her father she will be ok in my family as this is what she wants and only wishes for him to make dua. Her family also liked me very much and the mother said “you are my son”.
We have both tried everything in our power to try and make this work and move on. However, the injustice of the father has left us both suffering. I understand this is a test from Allah but the actions of the stubbornness and wrong doing of the father have left us both in heart ache and grief. We do our best to seek forgiveness from Allah and find shifa. But as human’s emotions are still there. She has continuously begged her father to allow this and has spoken to him very kindly by holding his hand as she doesn’t not want to disrespect him, but he said he does not care since he knows the future.
I require your advice brothers and sisters, I have picked this woman based on her deen and love of islam and I believe she can also help me become a better muslim. After making constant dua and doing so much nafil namaz he still rejected me with the reasons stated above. It has been months of trying and I am trying to make dua to lift this pain off my heart yet I feel like I was rejected for such a bad reason. May allah forgive me. Asalam alaykum
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh
We understand your grief and your effort for this proposal. May Allah alleviate your grief insha allah.
You mentioned both you and the girl’s side tried everything in convincing the girl’s father to accept the proposal, but it was to no avail. We therefore advise you to try again by explaining the situation to a senior family member with whom he(the girl’s father) is able to openly communicate. As an alternative, you may ask the family to speak to the Imaan of the masjid to address him hopefully influencing him to change his opinion towards the proposal.
At the same time, keep on invoking Allah’s help in duas and have patience. We hope that Allah grant you the best partner insha allah. You should not stick your heart and mind only to this girl. Make dua to Allah to grant you whoever is best for you in His absolute knowledge. Allah says in the Holy Quran:
عَسَىٰ أَنْ تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ
Translation:
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ibn Jibran Kadarkhan
Student Darul Iftaa
Mauritius
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.