Question:
Should I keep praying fervently to marry someone, or should I stop because it has been a year and a half?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I pray that you can find the right man for you and that you place your hopes in what is right for you.
Be Patient for Allah’s Decree
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, did tell us to wait for an answer to our prayers and not be impatient, but not for what WE want. We should be patient and wait for what ALLAH wants for us, and we do not know what that is. When it comes, we must submit and be content, for that is the only way to happiness.
Reality
The reality of your situation is that it has not worked out so far, even when you had been on track to marry him at first. If the first time did not work, then I would recommend to you to step back and tweak your supplication. Pray for the right man for you, and break the emotional attachment to this man from your past. It clearly did not work out, and that should have signalled to you that Allah did not want this for you.
Submission
I also do nott feel that it is healthy to be so focused on this one person. “Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.” [Qu’ran, 2:216] Rather, show Allah that you trust in Him, that you rely on Him and that you will submit to what comes your way. This is more befitting as a devoted servant.
Turn to Allah
The fact that you say you are losing your faith through this problem shows me that that thinking about this young man is harming you. Please undo this, by turning to your Lord and being the best Muslim that you can be. Show Allah that He is number one and your desires are not. Read some Qu’ran every day with the meaning and give some charity regularly. Review your obligatory knowledge, ask Allah to fill your heart with love of Him and His decree, and be putty in His hands. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
Please see the following course on marriage:
https://seekersguidance.org/courses/marriage-in-islam-practical-guidance-for-successful-marriage/
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.