Is it a sin to not talk to a abusive mother?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
What do you mean by not talking to an abusive mother? Do you mean not responding to her and maintaining silence when she is abusive? If so, it is an act of courage and reward to be patient with one’s mother. Not responding in that situation will be rewardable and will not constitute a sin.
If you mean to break ties with one’s mother, then that is prohibited and a major sin.
Maintaining family ties especially with ones parents is a cardinal value in the life of a Muslim. It is precisely for this reason Allah Taala commands,
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ
And lower yourself to them (parents) the wing of humility out of tenderness. [الإسراء: 24]
Consider the words of Allah Taala, lower yourself. When one is upset and enraged and wishes to maintain his right, it is in that situation we are commanded to lower ourselves before our parents. Had it been permissible to break relationship with one’s mother, there is no point of the order وَاخْفِضْ (Lower yourself)
This does not mean you should not seek recourse to remedy the abuse. You may adopt suitable and dignified ways to address the abuse. For example, discuss the issue with an appropriate family member who could get across to the mother and help controlling and curtailing the abuse.
The mother bore and tolerated upbringing the child. She didn’t abandon the child. Now it’s the child’s turn to bear and tolerate the mother and not to abandon her. Bear with her with love and compassion as she did when you were small and threw tantrums and posed a challenge to her happiness and probably her sanity.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.