Dear Imam Sheb, As-salamu-alaikum. May allah grant you peace and tranquility of your heart. I have the following question. My father is a very good man overally and behaves well with everybody. But he has a very bad temper and when he gets angry he gets out of his sense completely. Sometimes, my mother is battered by him mercilessly. But, within an hour his anger gets subsided and he cries to my mom asking forgiveness and he brings her gifts and takes her out to get her out of the disaster. Now, I also feel that, genetically I also have a very bad temper. I am reciting doa after every prayer and trying my best to be a man of patience and wisdom (if allah wills). But then, I am aprhended by the thought of getting married because , if by mistake I behave roughly and give her a divorce ( in a hit of the moment), then I have to cry my whole life. So, is there any way that I make an arrangement that no matter how many times I utter divorce it’s not divorce unless I go for a counselling as is prescribed in Islam by appointing two responsible persons from her side and two responsible person from my side. We can put our dispute to an end in that way and incase a divorce is necessary with valid sharee reason, then both of us can deal with. Could it be done by making a mutual agreement between us and the elders?
Keep on making Du’aa to Allah Ta’ala after every prayer and ask Allah to
give you you this valuable quality of patience. It is the nature of every
man that he gets angry but we should learn to control our anger. Do not let
anger take control of us, many a time, a person gets angry and only once he
comes back to his senses does he realize what harm he had caused with his
tongue. Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) has taught us very
beautifully, what should one do when becoming angry, if standing – sit down,
if sitting – lie down and in this way, the anger will, Insha Allah, subside.
With regards to your question, we should understand, when we go into
marriage, we are not going into a bed of roses. In the course of the
marriage, differences will occur between the spouses. This is why we should
go into marriage with the correct frame of mind and at the same time ask
Allah to guide us. It is also essential that prior to marriage, we go for
some sort of counseling and prepare oneself for marriage. Once a person is
married, the mind has already been conditioned how to carry out oneself if
any problem arises.
In this time and era, divorce is being taken very lightly. For trivial
matters, a person issues divorce. If a person is angry and in the spur of
the moment issues divorce, the divorce would take place immediately and only
later on does one realise what he has done. In a Hadith, it is mentioned
that ‘the most hated of permissible things is Talaaq’. (Mishkaat pg.283)
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai