Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a doctor by profession, and I found a doctor online two years ago, who promised to marry me. In the meantime, many proposals came but I discarded those to keep my promise. I developed feelings for him & I’m committed to him. Our career planning was the same.
But now he is going to take such a job where he won’t be able to marry me. His family is urging him to take it. Now he’s convinced and ready to break his promise. I waited for two years, and now I’m shattered. I feel so bad about being deceived. I didn’t expect this to happen when I was sincerely waiting for him.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that he flaked on you and I pray that you find someone who truly values you and deserves you. You will get over this, by the grace of Allah.
Pain
Pain and suffering befall Allah’s servants in this world, and this is what the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) directed us to do: “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, ‘if only I had done such and such‘ rather say ‘Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha’a fa`ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does).‘ For (saying) ‘If’ opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.” [Ibn Majah]
Move On
Surprises and unexpected events await the believer around every corner, but they will make you a stronger, wiser, and more patient person if you take your lessons from it.
Walk away from this man without ever looking back and know that you have lost nothing. A better, respectable man will come and in sha Allah, he will fear God regarding you.
Make it easier on yourself by cutting him off, deleting his contact, unfollowing him, and busying yourself with what benefits you. Fulfill your obligations, pray on time, read some Quran daily with the meaning, exercise, and have excellence at work and at home.
Supplications
Recite these supplications, and when negative thoughts arise, discard them, and make remembrance of Allah. Don’t let the Devil make your feelings fester. See some excellent formulas of dhikr (remembrance) here:
Understanding Trials
The Benefits of Sending Peace & Blessings on Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
Read this Wird Every Day for Protection, Insha’Allah
The complete Wird Latif of Imam al-Haddad, with transliteration
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.